Wednesday, May 20, 2015

If You’re Reading This, I’m Already Dead

I know, I know... you’re amazed.

You’re wondering, “Jack, how the hell are you blogging from beyond the grave?”

First, I think it’s in incredibly poor taste for you to bring up the “H” word considering my circumstances, and secondly, I had the foresight to pre-load a blog post so that my final day wouldn’t be my final say.

I wanted to finally express a few things that I didn’t have the courage to say while I was still breathing, and since this is the last post I’ll ever post, you’d damn well better sit tight and listen.

Number one - I sincerely appreciate all the support you folks have shown this site. I may not have always vocalized my appreciation loudly or often enough, but you meant the world to me. You were * sniff * the wings beneath my wind. What? Don’t correct me! I’m dead, dammit!

Number two – I hate to admit this, but I probably would have lived longer had I take better care of myself. I should have made every effort to make certain that I ate right, exercised more and quit my stupid stressful job. If you take anything from my death, I hope it’s that you should eat better, exercise more and quit your stupid, stressful job.

Number three - don’t take for granted that you have even one more day left on this earth. Pursue your dreams. Tell those you care for how much you love them. Spring for HBO. Nobody ever laid on their deathbed muttering “I wonder what happened on Game of Thrones.”

I guess that’s it. Take care of yourself, and I hope you remember my blog with fondness. If you’re ever in my hometown, I hope you’ll stop by my gravesite (if it’s not too crowded) and leave a bunch of daffodils (my favorite) or a small bag of jewels. I love you all!

Note to self: be sure and change schedule date for this post so that you don’t accidentally run it before you actually expire. That would make you look like a real dumbass!


  1. Jack... Jack?? Jack!!! Serious?? Not the dead part...oh my goodness, I hope you're not serious about that part... But, ending the blog?? Over? Done?
    Whichever it is, you'll be missed by legions of fans. I'll never forget the day we almost met face to face. :)

    1. Regular readers to this site know I fake my own death at least once a year to get a spike in traffic and/or get the IRS off my trail. ;)

  2. Does any one knows where Jack was working, I heard there is an opening? Where are the estate sales, I heard he had a lot of good stuffs?

  3. Oh Jack, God doesn't know what to do with you and Hell is afraid you will try and take over.

    You are not dead; you are simply stuck somewhere, watching a Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon. Go to sleep and when you wake up it will all be better.

  4. I just stumbled across your blog and then you DIE?!?!?! Curses.

  5. Glad to see you're recovering from that pesky bout of death that's going around. This year's vaccine didn't offer much protection.

    I would miss you; glad to know you'll live to blog another day.



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