Weight-Loss Ditties for the Wee Little Children

Bah, Bah, Jack Sh*t

Fat, fat Jack Sh*t,
Have you any food?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!

One fulla Wheat Thins,
One fulla cheeses,
And one full of cookies
What do I weigh? Sweet Jesus!

Bah, bah, Jack Sh*t,
Have you learned your lesson?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Bein’ overweight’s depressin’!

The Healthyman

Who can wake at sunrise,
Put on a running shoe?
Slip on the other one and then go jog a mile or two?
The healthyman, the healthyman can,
The healthyman can cause he knows exercise
Will make his body feel good.

A Triscuit, A Biscuit

A Triscuit, a biscuit,
Hash browns straight from the skillet.
I used to eat all the things I love, 

But along the way I stopped it.

I stopped it, I stopped it,
I hated to, but I stopped it.
A littler boy was the result,
With smaller clothes in his closet.

In honor of the Super Bowl…

I lost more than a football (which weighs 15 ounces).

This week – 279.8 lbs.

Loss: -1.0 lbs.

Total since starting over: -2.7 lbs.

Here’s my celebration dance….

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Fitness Center Bingo

Healthiest Ben & Jerry Flavors

Dear Ben & Jerry's,

I noticed that you just introduced some new flavors, but still haven't tapped into the healthy living market. 

With that in mind, I've developed some new taste treats that you're free to buy from me if you're interested...

• Kickass Wheatgrass

• Bombin’ Raw Almond

• I Don’t Carrot All About Taste

• Cauliflower Power

• Elvis Parsley

• Lordy, Lordy, This Tastes Gourd-y

• Olive You But This Is Terrible Ice Cream

• I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Quinoa

• Lentil the Cows Come Home

 • Chia Whiz

• Gimme S’More Broccoli

Would you believe I lost 10 lbs in one week?

Nah, me either.

Last week – 282.5 lbs.

This week – 280.8 lbs.

Loss: -1.7 lbs.

Total since starting over: -1.7 lbs.

“If I must start somewhere, right here
and now is the best place imaginable.”  

– Richelle E. Goodrich

The Story of Two Wolves

I don’t know if I’ve ever told this story, but when I started this blog back in the 70’s (or whenever it was), I really didn’t want to take the chance that anyone would know it was actually me blogging.

Why? Well, if they knew if was me, they might figure out that I was overweight.

I know… I give people too much credit.

Anyway, I decided to blog as a Native American named Two Wolves because I found this little tale very apt to my predicament:

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life…

This is what he said to them:

“A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One wolf is evil — he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied: “The one you feed”.

I still think it’s a nice message and oh-so-relevant to my current situation.

But in the end, I’m glad I decided to blog under my real name. ;)