Come Wee Little Children, For I Have Weight-Loss Songs for Thee

Little Jacky Poo Poo

Little Jacky Poo Poo,


Hopping through the workday.


Scooping up the cheese puffs


And ploppin' 'em in his mouth.

Down came the good health fairy and she said…

"Little Jacky Poo Poo,


I don't want to see you


Scooping up the cheese puffs


And ploppin’ 'em in your mouth.


I'll give you three chances,


And if you don't behave


I'll turn you into a goon!"



The next day:



Little Jacky Poo Poo,


Hopping through the workday.

Scooping up the cheese puffs


And ploppin' 'em in his mouth.



Down came the good health fairy and she said…

"Little Jacky Poo Poo,


I don't want to see you


Scooping up the cheese puffs


And ploppin’ 'em in your mouth.


I'll give you two more chances,


And if you don't behave


I'll turn you into a goon!"

The next day:



Little Jacky Poo Poo,


Hopping through the workday.

Scooping up the cheese puffs


And ploppin' 'em in his mouth.



Down came the good health fairy and she said…

Down came the good health fairy and she said…

"Little Jacky Poo Poo,


I don't want to see you


Scooping up the cheese puffs


And ploppin’ 'em in your mouth.


I gave you three chances


And you didn't behave


Now you're a goon! POOF!

Ummmmm… POOF! POOOOOOOF!

Hmmmm… that’s odd!"

“I was already a goon,” smiled Little Jacky Poo Poo.



Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Beer Belly Gone?

Oh where, oh where has my beer belly gone?
Oh where, oh where can it be?

With my meals cut short and my workouts long.

Oh where, oh where can it… oh, I see! It’s all about burning more calories than you consume. So simple!

Ain’t It Great to Be Healthy?

A horse and a flea and three fat dogs,

Tried to lose the most on their weight loss blogs.

The horse lost a pound and taunted the flea.

“Dammit,” said the flea, “Tain’t fair for me!”



Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?

Happy and hearty the whole day through
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?



Do Your Chins Hang Low?

Do your chins hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Do you have a turkey neck?
Can you knead ‘em like bread dough?
Do they make you say “Oh dear-a!”
When you look into a mirror?
Do your chins hang low?

Do your sides hang wide?
Do they flap from side to side?
Does your belly kinda flop?
Do you have a muffin top?
One of the low-waisted types?
Do you look real bad in stripes?
Do your sides hang wide?

Is the weight coming down?
Have you quit messing around?
Are you starting to eat less?
Are you making good progress?
Are you starting to believe it,
That you really can achieve it?
Is the weight coming down?

I’m Going Down, Down, Down

I wish I understood why sometimes we start and stumble.

I wish I understood why sometimes we start and stop.

I wish I understood why sometimes we start and soar.

WEEKLY WEIGH-IN

Last week’s weight: 249.1 lbs

This week’s weight: 247.0 lbs

Loss:  2.1 lbs

Total loss since re-start: 29.8 lbs

How Jack Got His Groove Back

Longtime readers (wait... are there any longtime readers around here?) surely have noticed a newfound re-commitment to my healthy living goals on this site.

A few folks have reached out with questions. What got you back on track, Jack? What changed for you? How are you doing it? Can I borrow $500?

Let me try to explain:  I had been slacking off and I knew it. This blog was nothin' but silly stuff, and my scale was apparently on an extended vacation on a tropical isle. I don't know about you, but I tend to respond to gaining weight by forgetting everything I know about healthy eating. How'd that work out for you, Jack?

I was already in the process of trying to attempt to get myself pumped up to get back on the wagon when I noticed the wagon roll by with my smiling wife Anita sitting on board.

She had recently gotten back to using the MyFitnessPal app to track her food and was seeing tremendous success. Wait, I thought, which one of us is the world-famous weight-loss blogger around here anyways?

So just like that, I snapped back on plan.

It was hard at first. Of course it was hard at first. It’s always hard at first. But a week went by and ten pounds melted off lickety-split.

Soon I noticed that I felt a little better, had a little more energy and had found my good groove again. I go to bed hungry sometimes, but I never go to bed disappointed with myself. I actually look forward to hopping on the scale.

I don’t know where you are on this madcap weight-loss adventure, whether you’re taking that first tentative step or striding confidently towards your goals, but I’m sure you know the same thing that I re-discovered a couple of months back…

I can do this is I want to.

And I want to.

Is It Getting Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

Free Weights Are My Foreplay  by Chris P. Bacon

Banana in the Fruit Salad by Hugh Jass

Push-Up Partners by Walter Melon

Putting the “Skinny”  in “Skinny Dipping” by Brighton Early

Flirting with Good Health by Biff Wellington

Running Makes Me Racy by Jack Tupp

A Knight in Shining Spandex by Bess Eaton

Dimitri’s Dirty Secret (She Never Cleaned Out Her Gym Bag) by Earl Lee Riser

Fat-Free Fling by Russell Sprout

Dressing on the Side by Ben Dover

Calore-Counting Call Girl  by Tad Moore

Hide the Cannoli (It Has 375 Calories Per Serving!) by Eddie Bull

He Caught Me Masticating by Howie Doohan

Extremely Hot Yoga by Marsha Mellow

Squat Thrusts in the Cucumber Patch by Kenya Dewit

It’s Getting Steamy In Here (Because I’m Steaming a Little Broccoli)  by Ophelia Payne

Show Me Your Kumquat by Eaton Wright and Liv Good

Lean Beef Stroganoff by Brock Lee

Let’s Do It Bloggy-Style by Al K. Seltzer

Let Me Ask You a Question...

Is there a better feeling in the whole wide world than slipping comfortably into a size smaller pants?

Witnessing the birth of your first child? Well, obviously I think witnessing the birth of your first child beats slipping comfortably into a size smaller pants. D'uh!

Witnessing the birth of your second child? Okay, I'll concede that witnessing the birth of ANY of your children is a better moment than wearing pants one size smaller.

Seeing your child graduate from high school or college? Look, for argument's sake, let's just take out any and all scenarios involving your kids, okay? Children are off-limits for this discussion. Capiche?

Watching your favorite sports team win a championship? Okay, that's pretty awesome, too.

Seeing the ocean for the first time? The Grand Canyon? Times Square? Yes, yes, yes. And before you say it, yes to visiting Las Vegas, driving your first car, understanding algebra, your first kiss and watching YouTube videos of skateboarders falling and busting their asses. Yes, yes, yes!

Maybe I should start this post over...

You know what feels really good?

Slipping into smaller-sized pants.

WEEKLY WEIGH-IN

Last week’s weight: 252.3 lbs

This week’s weight: 249.1 lbs

Loss:  3.2 lbs

Total loss since re-start: 27.7 lbs

Have You Seen These Folks at the Gym?

Yo

Yo.

I don’t mean yo like, “Yo, what up my diggity dawg?”

I mean yo like yo-yo.

Like lose the weight, yo.

Gain it back, yo.

I have a bad history with big losses and slow, steady gain-backs.

I screw up my will and make a gigantic push toward a specific goal.

I reach my goal.

I celebrate.

I celebrate some more.

I lose track of myself, eating a little too much, drinking a little too much, exercising a little too little.

A pound here.

A pound there.

It adds up, but you know that already.

I’m yo’ing again, yo.

Twenty-five pounds down in less than two months.

Just tracking exactly what I put in my piehole.

Making sure I pop a little sweat each day.

This yo-yo is on the way down.

Maybe this time, it’ll occur to me to cut the string.