Tip-to-Toe Health Tips

• You actually burn more calories by taking the elevator instead of stairs as long as you do a continuous series of backflips.

• Commonly touched objects such as doorknobs can transmit cold- and flu-causing viruses; reduce risks by up to 90% by using disinfectant wipes on them or learning to turn a doorknob with your butt cheeks.

• Replace honey-baked ham with ham-baked honey.

• A mustache can aggravate hay fever by trapping pollen, but can alleviate hunger by trapping crumbs from that sandwich at lunch.

• A recent study showed that participants who kept their bedrooms at 66 degrees burned more than seven percent more calories overnight than those in a 75-degree room, so consider sleeping in an igloo.

• Scientists have confirmed that using red plates can help you eat less, though not as much less as using plates with a picture of you in a bathing suit printed on them.

• Make pro/con list before decided to start smoking. Pro: makes you look kinda cool. Con: Proven to cause emphysema, cancer and heart disease and is responsible for 440,000 American deaths every year.

• You can make your own healthy salad dressing by putting healthy salad dressing ingredients into a bottle and mixing it up, dumbass.

• To reduce stress, understand that you can’t always get what you want. No, you can’t always get what you want. You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometime… well, you might find… WHOOO… YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED.

Famous Weight-Loss TV Shows from the 60's

• The Beverly Healthbillies

• The Try-lite Zone

• Lean Acres

• Make Room for Fatty

• Leave it to Eater

• The Many Lbs of Dobie Gillis

•  Mission: Slimpossible

• Banana Bonanza

• I Dream of Teeny

• The Man From. U.N.F.I.T.

• Hogan’s Hippos

• Have Seatbelt-Extender, Will Travel

• The Dick Can Hike Show

• Hawaii Five-0-0

• My Favorite Marshmallow

• Bewitched & Dewaisted

• Petticoat Dysfunction

• The Too-Much-Bread-y Bunch

• Rowan & Martin’s Weigh-In

• I Love Loosey

• The Fattass Family

• Starve Trek

Jack the Nutrition Magician

And now, for my next trick…

• Turning Wine into Water

• Sawwing a Waffle in Half

• Making Oatmeal with Hardly Any Lumps In It
• Hocus Okras Pocus

• Vanish a Radish

• Pick a Chard, Any Chard

• Houdini’s Zucchini

• Enchanting Endive

• Abra-Kale-Dabra

• Now You See Miso, Now You Don’t

• Predicting the Amount of Calories in Any 100-Calorie Snack Pack

• Pulling a Kholrabi Out of a Hat
• French Fries That Aren’t French-Fried
• Magic Skim Milk Pitcher
• Lettuce Levitation

• Disappearing Desserts

• Escape from Obesity (with apologies to my pal Lyn)

Six Years? SIX FREAKIN’ YEARS?

Six years.

Yes, I’ve been blogging for longer than many of you have been alive (can I help it if my blog is really popular with the pre-Kindergarten crowd?).

You’ve seen me at my best, at my worst and… ummm… at my most middle.

You’ve seen me crow about my accomplishments.

You’ve seen me sulk about my setbacks.

Up in the clouds.

Down in the dumps.

You’ve excused my bad behavior and even worse jokes.

You’ve encouraged me to keep at it even when I’d rather throw in the not-sweated-on towel.

Your good advice has often kept me from going astray (how was I supposed to know that participating in a hot-dog-eating contest would make me gain weight?).

The blogging landscape has undergone quite a change since I started oh-so-long ago. Folks are more spread out, drawn to the twinkly lights of easier-to-digest media platforms.

But I’m pretty proud of the fact that I’m still here, plugging away.

And if I help just one person take one step closer to their healthy living goals, well… YES, THAT’S A PRETTY SUCKY RETURN ON MY TIME AND EFFORT.

But I’ll keep doing it anyway.

Losing Ass, Taking Names

I make no bones about it: blogging has been an instrumental part in my getting-more-healthy plans.

I get more than my fair share of support from the masses with fat asses, so I like to return the favor when I can.

So… tell me about you and your blog (if you have one). Where are you on your journey? Any big (or little) successes along the way that you'd care to share? What setback (or speed bump) is slowing you down?

And thanks again for supporting me the way you do (if you do) and for helping keep me interested in what I’m trying to do.

And Then A Miracle Occurs

People frequently contact me and ask that I lay the secret of losing weight on them, as if I have all the answers in my back pocket but simply choose to share silly song parodies or pass along fart jokes on my blog instead of doling out the good stuff.

But I’ve spent enough of my life driving in the fat lane to feel a little empathy for somebody seeking answers.

The simple truth is that there are no uncomplicated solutions, no pat answers. What works for me might not necessarily be the path that’s right for you.

We all have to find our own way.

That said, I’ll be happy to tell anyone who asks how it happened for me:  it was an Easter Sunday two years ago and I had been questioning whether I was ever going to be making any headway in my own personal Battle of the Bulge.

I was home alone, my family off doing I-can’t-remember-what. I do recall the long come-to-Jesus I had with myself that weekend, and I remember stumbling upon the wonderful world of weight-loss blogging. Somehow, someway, it all started coming together for me that weekend and magic started happening… on my scale, on my blog, in my life.

It really is a marvel when we finally discover that spark that lies within each of us, that reservoir of strength, commitment and determination that turns just-another-diet into a transformative experience.

I can’t tell you how to do it, but I’m here to tell you that you can do it.

And believing that is the first step to making your own miracle happen.