• Don't shake your newborn baby even though it's an awesome arm workout.
• Yes, breast feeding burns 500 calories per day, but that's no reason to go to the daycare center and try to nurse all the babies.
• You can convert any stroller into a running stroller by pushing it as you run, dumbass.
• Find little pockets of time to exercise during the day, such as in the middle of your infant's 30-second afternoon nap.
• If you're going to toss your baby up in the air, watch out for ceiling fans.
•Don't ever give your infant a baby bottle full of Mountain Dew; make it half tap water, half Mountain Dew.
• If you have a solid plan, there's no reason you can't lose that baby weight before your child graduates from college.
• Never use a newborn infant as a yoga mat.
• Some employers frown on you using maternity leave from fake pregnancy to train for upcoming half-marathon.
• Don't ever, and I mean ever, take advice from a guy giving advice for new moms.
