- You will make a name for yourself. Unfortunately, that name will be “Chunky-Style.”
- “Well done” is better than “well said,” but not as good as “medium rare”.
- Soon life will become more interesting (you have a weigh-in coming up, right?)
- The first person gets the oyster, the second person gets the shell. Plus, oysters are only 1 point for a half cup.
- Tonight you will be blinded by passion…and the onset of diabetes.
- You have a shrewd knack for spotting untruths. Oh, and you look really skinny today.
- You have exceeded what was expected. Of course, we didn’t expect very much.
- You will soon be coming into a fortune… cookie.
- You will soon be surrounded by good friends and laughter. Oh yeah, and your pants will split.
- Your difficulties will strengthen you. Expect to be really, really super strong.
- Your ideals are well within your reach. Your weight loss goals? Not so much.
- Your infinite capacity for patience with your diet will be rewarded in an infinite amount of time.
- Your life will get more and more exciting. Hint: This isn’t a good fortune.
- Your love of life is only exceeded by your love of bacon.
- Avoid taking unnecessary risks… and eating unnecessary chips.
- You are at a crossroads. On one side is serenity and inner peace. On the other side is a strip mall with a Cinnabon.
- If you don't have time to live your life now, when will you?
Thanks (I think) to Kelly at Happy Texans for inspiring this particular round of nonsense. Oh, and thanks to Kelly and the rest of you losers (I mean that in the "weight loss" sense) that made me get on the scale and see that I'd gained .8 lbs. after my salt-packed weekend.
