What the Celery Said to Me...

• “Hey, I’m not gonna eat myself.”
• “Don’t smear peanut butter on me; I’m allergic to peanuts… arrrrggghhh!”
• “Y’know, famed Italian lover Casanova made sure to include lots of celery in his diet to keep up his stamina. Wink wink.”
• “No, you can’t put me in a Bloody Mary.”
• “What? Are you waiting for a better offer from the brownies?”
• “Dude, I’m celery. Eat all you want.”
• “Medium stalk. Six f*ckin’ calories. Booya!”
• “Close your eyes and pretend I’m French fries.”
• “If I make you throw up, that’s even fewer calories.”
• “Blue cheese dressing? I don’t think so.”
• “Yes, I’m pretty sure I’m an actual food.”
• “If you don’t eat me, I’m gonna stalk you. Get it? Stalk you.”
• “Don’t I bring back memories of when you hated celery as a kid?”
• “Come on, get your crunch on.”
• “Aren’t you in the mood for a snack that tastes like *ss?”