Features of My New Buggy Bod (Off-Brand Body Bugg)

• Attaches to arm with rubber band instead of adjustable strap
• State-of-the-art digital sundial
• When you plug it into your USB port, funny pics of kittens pop up
• Emits ear-piercing scream whenever you stop walking
• Provides sunblock protection for area of arm it covers
• GPS turn-by-turn directions to nearest Krispy Kreme
• Fold-out bottle opener
• Tracks calories burned, steps taken and other physiological parameters utilizing patented Guess-timation™ technology
• Has mp1 player that holds up to three songs.
• Button that allows you to spray mace on anyone who asks “What’s that stupid thing on your arm?”
• Built-in snooze alarm
• Secret Pez® pellet slot