Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Stressed out?

• Drink a big cup of chamomile whiskey.

• Refrain from spending time in a cramped closet staring at a strobe light while listening to recordings of a baby crying.

• When you’re stuck in gridlocked traffic, use that time to practice yelling obscenities at other motorists.

• Fishing is a great way to reduce stress, unless you’re a fish.

• Say a little prayer. Here… I’ll get you started: “Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I shall die before I wake tell my friends I drank it straight.”


• Sex is a great stress reducer, but be careful that you don’t make a baby, which a great stress increaser.

• Marriage can add a lot of stress to your life, so you should probably limit yourself to one spouse at a time.

• A simple way to relieve stress is to take a long walk along a beautiful Caribbean beach.


• Laughter releases endorphins that improve mood and decrease levels of stress-causing hormones, so when you’re feeling stressed just take a good look at my last performance review.

4 comments:

  1. I;m glad you're posting more regularly; I hope it means you're also paying more attention to your health. I especially liked the "prayer" in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow - just came across this site. This is some classic stuff my friend! Keep inspiring with laughs and know we are pulling for you and most of us are in the same boat. Staying healthy is hard work!

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