Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Tips You Can’t Top

• You can make healthier tacos by just putting all the taco ingredients in your cupped hand instead of shell.

• Remember this little rhyme to slow down your eating: “Stop eating faster, you stupid bastard!”

• You can make your own push-up exercise area by having a floor and… well… I suppose that’s all you need. Good job!

• To make yourself look thinner, dress in dark colors, wear vertical stripes and lose weight.

• Try imagining yourself relaxing in a really peaceful, serene place, such as the opposite of where you are and what you’re doing right this second.

• One way to stop snoring is to have a wife that’ll punch you in the back throughout the night growling “Will you quit snoring, Jack!!!”

• Don’t like salad? Try this simple trick: shut the hell up and eat the salad – it’s good for you!

• You can make French toast healthier by replacing the bread with fresh fruit and the syrup with non-fat yogurt. 

• Reading can nourish your soul (except for this blog, which actually tarnishes your soul just a little bit). 


  1. This might be the best list ever. And I'm good with having a slightly tarnished gives it that edgy look that the younger kids are going for.

  2. I agree Michelle. There's nothing wrong with a slightly tarnished soul - as long as it's combined with dark colors, vertical stripes and weight loss.



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