You Might Be A Fat-Neck...

Lord knows I try…

I mean, even on my silliest posts, I try to wedge in some nugget, some kernel, some speck of wisdom or advice or inspiration.

And then, every once in a while, I’ll hit on one of those ideas with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Something like “You might be a fat-neck…”

• If you eat dinner at a fast-food joint and then swing by the drive thru on your way out of the parking lot, you might be a fat-neck.
• If really fat people tell fat jokes about you, you might be a fat-neck.
• If your clothes have stretch marks, you might be a fat-neck.

A part of me says I should just shelf these lamebrain concepts, but they simply haunt me until I write them out of my system. Even when I shove ‘em aside and try to tackle a different subject, my brain keeps working them like some demented Rubick’s Cube.

• If you dance at a concert and the band skips, you might be a fat-neck.
• If your double chin has a double chin, you might be a fat-neck.
• If your favorite thing to eat on cookies is frozen cookie dough, you might be a fat-neck.

Sometimes, this blog seems to take on a life of its own. It goes where it wants to go and I’m just pulled along in the undertow. And it’s odd how often people will comment that they really needed that laugh today, or really needed that call to arms today, or really needed that swift kick in the booty today.

• If you direct-deposit your paycheck to the break room vending machine, you might be a fat-neck.
• If they recognize your voice when you call to order a pizza, you might be a fat-neck.
• If you put gravy on your Raisin Bran, you might be a fat-neck.

Here’s my justification for the silly posts: we’re in this for the long haul, you and me. We’re going to be here for quite some time… or at least that’s the plan. I don’t want to bark at you or lecture you or even inspire you seven days a week, but I wouldn’t mind you thinking about this journey we’re on every day. Some days, I think it’s okay that we just chuckle at ourselves, laugh at this f*cked-up situation that we’ve somehow put ourselves in.

• If you’re a member of the Ham-of-the-Month Club, you might be a fat-neck.
• If you have to iron your pants on the driveway, you might be a fat-neck.
• If you read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit, you might be a fat-neck.

To me, this isn’t one of those “you gotta laugh to keep from crying” situations either. It just feels good to laugh sometimes, and when you’re on a long trip like we are, when you’re pushing yourself to do something that feels even bigger than you are, it’s nice to enjoy a light-hearted moment every so often.

We’re not always going to be fat-necks after all.

And that’s definitely something to smile about.