Arianna Huffington has a new cause, and it’s for people to get more sleep in order to improve their lives.
Maybe it’s because her site The Huffington Post was so much more successful than my first attempt at blogging – The Puffington Host – but I have to take exception to this more-sleep push.
Just off the top of my head, here are some of the many reasons why not getting enough sleep is not only not bad for you, but also not bad for you (I KNOW THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE; I’M WORKING ON TWO HOURS OF SLEEP PER NIGHT THIS WEEK, OKAY?).
• Not getting enough sleep allows you to enjoy hallucinations that you might otherwise never get to experience without the use of recreational drugs.
• Normal TV viewing hours don’t generally run classics such as Super Sweaty Sorority Sisters III on Skinamax – bow chicka yow WOW!
• Staying up all night gives you extra time in your day to tackle jobs you normally wouldn’t have time to do, such as watching videos of cats doing funny things or watching videos of babies doing funny things or watching videos of cats doing funny things to babies.
• Have you ever been grocery shopping at 3 a.m.? Dude, you’ve got the entire aisle to yourself!
• Less wear and tear on your pillow means that you don’t have to replace it as often. I’m not sure how much pillows cost since I’ve never replaced mine, but I’m sure that those savings can really add up!
• If your significant other doesn’t really care for doing the horizontal hula, you’ll be happy to know that sleep depravation drives down your sex drive, so it won’t bother you as much.
• This Candy Crush app thingy isn’t just going to just play itself, you know!
• Not getting enough sleep provides an easy – and true – built-in excuse for your lousy job performance.
• If you’re not sleeping, you don’t have to worry about that pesky dream where you show up to your high school reunion buck naked. WAIT, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT WASN’T A DREAM?!?!?!?!?