Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Nothing's Easy

So, I make the monumental decision to re-open my blog after a too-long hiatus, but the password isn’t saved. I have to rack my brains and try to remember every password I’ve ever used on every site I’ve ever visited. That’s right. Every. Single. Password.

Then I realize that I’ve only ever used three different passwords – and one of them is “password123” – so it’s not all that much of an ordeal.

Then, my office decides everybody is working from home because of this Mexican beer-virus. I immediately get emails that the two gyms I have access to are closed for the rest of the month and a message from my daughter that she’s re-upped HBO Now, and the username and password is… OH, YOU ALMOST TRICKED ME INTO BLOGGING THAT.

Then, my wife Anita – who has been experimenting with a sourdough starter kit – has whipped up a big batch of biscuits bigger than my head. She’s topped them with butter, honey and the last of my resolve.

I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in God-knows-when, and the readout said 285 lbs. I know this journey is about more than a number on a Satan-inspired appliance, but I’m out to do something about that.

I’m not sure I’ll be writing here every day, but while I’m “working” from home, who knows? (Dammit, I need to remember to quit putting that in quotation marks!)

Monday, March 16, 2020

This is the Last Resort


DING DING

Desk clerk: Hello, welcome to the Last Resort. Are you checking in?

Jack: Ummm, I’m not exactly sure.

Desk clerk: Do you have a reservation?

Jack: I have lots of reservations. I really wanted to do this on my own this time…

Desk clerk:  Do what?

Jack: Lose weight. Get fit. Be healthier. I wanted to prove to myself I could do it without this blog business.

Desk clerk: I see… so, how long will you be staying with us?

Jack: Hmmmm… I’m not sure. Especially after my experience at the Hotel California.

Desk clerk: Such a lovely place…

Jack: You see, my last visit only lasted a couple of weeks. But I’d really like to stay until the job Is done.

Desk clerk: So…

Jack: The thing is… the first time I was here I worked some serious mojo. I had a lot of folks stopping by every day and rooting me on. It all seemed so easy and fun. I think this is the place I need to be… at least I hope it is.

Desk clerk: Do you have any baggage?

Jack: Emotional eating. A tendency to slough off during my workouts. Eating too fast. Really arthritic knee. Sometimes drinking more alcohol than I should. Stress eating. Making poor choices.

Desk clerk: I see… well, here’s your key.

Jack: That’s how I view this blog. It’s the key to everything. To inspiring myself to be better. To holding myself accountable. To talk out my setbacks and celebrate my successes. If you think this blog isn’t the key to my new and improved future, well… you don’t know Jack Sh*t!

Desk clerk: Speaking of keys, do you want a key for the mini-bar?

Jack: And we’re off…



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