Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I go mining through the dark, creepy corners of my blog archives for a few hours so that I can get out of a few hours of blog-writing (yeah, I suck at math). As for this one... well, am I the only person who talks to his jeans?
Hey, baby. I haven’t seen you around in forever. You’re still looking fine. Look at that sweet ass on you. I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve been together, baby. You shouldn’t have been in hiding away, sweetheart; you look so good you should be strutting your stuff out on the street. Man, I’d love to take you to my office and show you off to all my co-workers. I told ‘em all about you, but they think you don’t really exist. They think I just made you up.
We had some good times didn’t we? I remember the first time I laid eyes on you, baby. Remember? It was at that store in the mall, you hanging out in the corner with all your friends. You didn't even know I existed, am I right? Well, I wasn’t sure you were right for me, either, but we got together and…well, it was magic. All I remember is that I couldn't keep my hands off of you. Remember what that sales clerk said to me: “Why don't you two get a dressing room?” We were so crazy. And remember what I said to you later that right when I was gettin' it on with you? “I can’t believe this sh*t!”
It’s true: I couldn’t believe that sh*t. I just couldn’t believe that we were so right for each other, because just a few months earlier I wouldn’t have had the nerve to even try to get together with you. Even if I'd screwed up the courage to try, it wouldn't have worked out. Not then anyway...
But we did get together, didn't we? I still have pictures of the two of us, and while it may sound a tad vain, man, we looked good together.
That whole year we were inseparable, you and I. Where I went, you were sure to go as well. We had some good times… parties, concerts, staying out with friends, spending time just the two of us. And then… well…
Look, baby. I can’t explain why I left… or why I was gone for so long. It don’t make no sense, me leaving you the way I did. Yes, there were others but they were so big and ugly, not svelte and fine like you. I promise you, baby, I was thinking about you the whole time I was with those others. I was thinking of how good the two of us were for each other, how right it was when we were together. Of course, I mean that, baby. I mean it with all my heart. I threw those others outta my house as soon as I could, and now I’ve come back to you. Only you.
And this time, I promise I won’t ever leave you again.
