What My Scale Might Say If It Could Talk

• “Get off! Get off! Get off!”
• “Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”
• “They say any loss is a good loss. How’s about -.00001 lbs.?”
• “Here comes the pain!”
• “Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows.”
• “When you lose, you take all the credit; when you gain, ya blame me!”
• “Looks like you’ve got Dunlap’s Disease. Your belly’s done lapped over your belt.”
• “Ummmmph!”
• “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.”
• “Why don’t you try again… maybe it’ll be drastically lower.”
• “And you thought nobody saw you eat those chips…”
• “Good news: you’re still beating anorexia!”
• “Does this number make you look fat?”
• “Tippin’ is encouraged. Get it, get it? Tippin’ the scales… ah, you don’t know funny.”
• “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a regular glutton?”
• “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”
• “BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….”
• “Let’s say we just call it two hundred and plenty?”
• “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”
• “Say, are you losing weight?