You Can't Spell "Crap" Without "Rap"

Yeah,

You know technically,
I’m not even really supposed to parody Eminem songs,

But f*ck it.

Might as well do one more…



Ahh ah ah ah eh eh eh eh ehhh



Yeah, haha…

Feels good,

Whooo,

Guess I’m lucky,

Some of us never lose the weight.

But I ain’t blowing this one.

Naw man, haha,

Sh*t, I feel like I can do anything now…



Who can blog all types of insanity,
Watching Sean Hannity,
And rhyming elaborately,
Still manage to find time for his family?



Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man.



Tryin’ jeans on my ass.
Extra wides, 

Grab the sides an yank em,
Aww sh*t, they don’t fit

Return ‘em to salesperson an’ thank ‘em.

Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man.



Standing on the scale,
I’m seeing I number that I can’t fathom.
Eatin’ spasm, cheese and Triscuits,
Man, I just can’t have ‘em.

Gotta stop
Weight too great, climb up outta this chasm.
Time to take the meals I’m eatin’ and half ‘em. 

Gotta swap
Chunk the junk, haul the crappy vittles
Down to the trash,
Cuz the slop I’m ploppin’ in up top’s
Windin’ up on my ass
.
The time has passed for me to make this dirty diet my last.
Do it right, put up a fight.
Start eatin’ healthy dishes

No one ever died from eatin’ food that’s more nutritious.

Plus, it’s time to get goin’
Stop my big ass from growin’
Lil’ will power showin’
Start crowin’, keep goin’. 

Knowin’ there something I can do about it.
Zero in on the problem like a marksman,
The problem’s guess who?
I veered off course
Took a wrong turn, then got lost, too.
Driving, starting, stopping, wound up past Timbuctu.

Now it’s time to pay the bill, and not eat so much fooooood!

Time to monitor the calories, maybe exercise, too.
Keep a blog, start to jog,
Man, it’s time to break through
.
It’s tough to change, but I gotta, and frankly you could, too.
It’s time for me to lose these extra pounds.

How bout you?



Now guess who, who (hey),

Here’s a clue (hey),

He’s got an asterisk in his name,
And a big ass, too.
Fulla sass.
But losin’ mass (hey),

He’s here to last, he’s glad it’s Friday too,

Now what’s his name?



Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Jack Sh*tter,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man.



If I had a time machine, I’d be pretty rich.

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Gettin’ healthy is my time machine… so call me,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man,

Fitter Sh*tter man.



F*ck eatin’ pastries.
I don’t want ‘em.
All that sugar makes me go nuts.
Flip the box upside down and make it rain donuts.

Fitter Sh*tter man
Fitter Sh*tter man

Fitter Sh*tter man

Fitter Sh*tter man.



Rewound the future to the present,

Paused it don't ask how,

Past is present, salad-eater

I’m Jack Sh*t right now I’m…



Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man,
Fitter Sh*tter man.

THE DAILY SCALEY

Congratulations for (1) me not gaining any weight today and 

(2) to Kate at Fab 50 for winning my Snikiddy® Giveaway. Woooooo!