My Experience at the Hot-Dog Eating Contest

Annr: Welcome to this year’s fair and our annual hot dog eating competition. We have some fantastic competitors here today and I’m sure that…

Jack: Excuse me…

Annr: Ummm… can I help you, son?

Jack: Yeah, I’m competing today.

Annr: Yeah, well I hope you brought your appetite. Let’s give this man a hand, ladies and gentlemen.

Jack: I was just hoping I could get some veggie dogs instead of these.

Annr: Veggie dogs?

Jack: Y’know, hot dogs produced completely from non-meat products. They’re much lower in fat and calories, plus they contain no cholesterol and little to no saturated fat compared to hot dogs from animal meat.  

Annr: I suppose you’ll want gluten-free buns, too.

Jack: No, but I do prefer whole wheat. Whole grains contain more nutrients than you get with refined or enriched grains. They’re also absorbed more slowly than foods made from enriched or bleached flour, so they raise glucose and insulin levels less and keep you feeling fuller longer.

Annr: Look, we’re running behind here, son. Now contestants… on your mark, get set…

Jack: One last thing: do we have any low-sodium mustard around here?

Annr: Ummmm…

Jack: I’m just kidding… game on!

Annr: On your marks… get set… GO!

IMAGINE INSANE CHOMPING NOISES HERE

Annr: Uh, Jack? You better get moving, son. You’re falling waaaay behind.

Jack: I like to eat more slowly. Did you realize that it takes approximately 20 minutes from the time you start eating for your brain to send out signals of fullness? Leisurely eating allows ample time to trigger the signal from your brain that you are full. And feeling full translates into eating less.

Annr: This might not be the event for you, son…

Jack: See, I’m feeling full after just this one.

Annr: Well, maybe you’re a winner after all.