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Friday, September 24, 2010

Corn Sugar? We Can Do Better Than That...

The other day I caught wind that the Corn Refiner's Association had petitioned the FDA to change the name of high-fructose corn syrup to "Corn Sugar."

“Corn Sugar”? That sounds like something you’d find at the fair, along with fiddlesticks and funnel cakes.

Here’s the thing, Corn Refiner’s Association. You read my blog. You know I’m great at naming stuff. Were you just too proud to beg for my help?

Anyway, here’s what I’ve got so far…

  • Sweet Magic Corn Powder

  • UniCorn

  • Corny Corn Corn Corn

  • High Fructose Chemical Syrup

  • Love Dust

  • Elixer of Life

  • Cornballs

  • Even Higher Fructose Corn Syrup

  • Corncaine

  • Golden Corn Sparkle

  • Health Stuff

  • Cornquelia

  • A-Maize-Ment

  • Super High Fructose Corn Syrup

  • CornaUtopia

  • Friendship Sauce

  • Hug Friendship Corn Syrup

  • Cornshine

    at

    26 comments:

    1. AnonymousSeptember 24, 2010 at 7:54 AM

      Corncaine is my favorite. LOL! Great post, Jack!

      ReplyDelete
    2. TrixieSeptember 24, 2010 at 8:10 AM

      I can definitely get behind UniCorn.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Michele @ Healthy CultivationsSeptember 24, 2010 at 8:21 AM

      Although corncaine was my first favorite, cornshine takes the proverbial cake!! That's great!

      ReplyDelete
    4. MackIamSeptember 24, 2010 at 8:46 AM

      hahahahaha thanks for the too early morning laugh!
      XO M

      ReplyDelete
    5. KatySeptember 24, 2010 at 9:32 AM

      Fructose Cornelius? Sounds like the "technical tern" haha

      I like corncain the best

      ReplyDelete
    6. KatySeptember 24, 2010 at 9:32 AM

      PS, you should watch the movie King Corn.

      ReplyDelete
    7. UnknownSeptember 24, 2010 at 9:36 AM

      haha! :)

      ReplyDelete
    8. LanieSeptember 24, 2010 at 9:36 AM

      Corncaine. I vote for corncaine.

      ReplyDelete
    9. LalaSeptember 24, 2010 at 9:41 AM

      omg, you are killing me. hahahahha. I vote Golden Corn Sparkle!

      ReplyDelete
    10. LauraLynneSeptember 24, 2010 at 10:04 AM

      How about Food Group Number 9?

      ReplyDelete
    11. ERICA September 24, 2010 at 10:18 AM

      I love corncaine and A-maize-ment! Love the play on words. How about candy corn....oh wait that's a real thing!

      ReplyDelete
    12. bbubblybSeptember 24, 2010 at 10:59 AM

      My favorite are corncaine and cornshine :) Not sure what cornballs are? lol

      ReplyDelete
    13. LucasSeptember 24, 2010 at 11:20 AM

      I vote for Corny Corn Corn Corn & Even Higher Fructose Corn Syrup!

      Can't believe they didn't come to you first Jack. They obviously don't know Sh*t!

      ReplyDelete
    14. Happy Fun PantsSeptember 24, 2010 at 11:43 AM

      I think the Corny Corn Corn Corn has a nice ring to it. :)

      ReplyDelete
    15. AnonymousSeptember 24, 2010 at 11:49 AM

      Lord love a duck! You're in fine form this morning!! Perfect for a Friday Morning, Jack.

      ReplyDelete
    16. Greta from www.bigbottomblogger.blogspot.comSeptember 24, 2010 at 12:23 PM

      How about "Fatten Up The Cattle Juice"?

      I hate HFCS....evil stuff, that... They can call it whatever they like, but I'm not injesting it and neither are my kids.

      ReplyDelete
    17. LeslieSeptember 24, 2010 at 12:26 PM

      Love it! How about sweet corny cholesterol maker? Hmmm - doesn't roll off the tongue. I'll leave the naming to Jack the Master!

      ReplyDelete
    18. PatrickSeptember 24, 2010 at 12:37 PM

      Hey, keep your Friendship Sauce to yourself jack!

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousSeptember 24, 2010 at 1:10 PM

      Lol! So funny :p

      ReplyDelete
    20. septembermomSeptember 24, 2010 at 1:22 PM

      Fun! A-maize-ing! LOL.

      ReplyDelete
    21. RettaSeptember 24, 2010 at 2:06 PM

      Corncaine ... too funny LOL

      ReplyDelete
    22. MaggieSeptember 24, 2010 at 2:45 PM

      I like Corncaine too. It made me giggle!

      ReplyDelete
    23. Jody - Fit at 52September 24, 2010 at 4:56 PM

      I hate to say but there are most likely people out there that will be fooled by this craziness.. very sad!

      BUT THX FOR THE LAUGH!!!

      ReplyDelete
    24. Mom to the Fourth PowerSeptember 24, 2010 at 4:56 PM

      Jack.. you are a genius!

      ReplyDelete
    25. screwdestinySeptember 24, 2010 at 5:31 PM

      Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go with High Fructose Chemical Syrup or Corncaine!

      ReplyDelete
    26. arielcircleofnineSeptember 25, 2010 at 4:44 PM

      corncaine, all the way baby! nothing like an 8 ball when the cravings hit. And Im guessing 1 twinkie would be an 8 ball, at least!

      ReplyDelete