So, there's this FedEx box that I find in my office that's been sitting there for a few weeks. I don't know why I haven't opened it until now, but maybe it's because nobody told me it was urgent...
Letter from some marketing firm about some giveaway that I "allegedly" agreed to participate in for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Lot of happy-crappy mumbo-jumbo. I haven't got time to be reading letters...
"We hope you will join us for a great evening of eating, Tweeting and sharing grilling tips. The Taste & Tweet will take place on Monday, July 26th from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm CST. Your first tweet including our hashtag for the event, #ICBINotButterBBQ, will automatically be entered in our sweepstakes to win... blah blah blah." Better go ahead and blog this out; the deadline's coming fast...
I thought TCBY just made frozen yogurt... hmmmm, well you learn something new every day.
Grilling tips? Don't these dummies know summer's about over?
Let's check out the goodie box... hmmmm, a corn-shaped ash tray. Might have to reconsider my decision not to smoke now that I own this bad boy...
And what have we here...?
Okay, I'm pretty sure I don't own one of these already...
How do you turn this thing on?
Whoa! This could poke someone's eyes out if you poked them in the eye with it!
This is the nicest one of these things I've ever received...
What? I can't hear you...
Definitely handy in MY office.
Oh yeah... that's the spot!
I've got absolutely no use for this because I shoplift all my groceries, so I'm going to forward it to one lucky reader in my I Can't Believe It's Not Butter "I Can't Believe I Forgot To Do This Giveaway" Giveaway. I'm a little busy today, so please make up your own rules, and then be sure to follow them! All entries must be postmarked by midnight tonight. The I Can't Believe It's Not Butter people did want me to follow strict FDC guidelines by clearly stating blah blah blah blah yada yada blah blah blah. Damn lawyers!
I can't believe I am up this damn early but hey maybe that just means I may win. lol 5 yr old's first day of school and just saw him off to the bus. He would love to pick some yummy stuff out with that.
ReplyDeleteOh man, that is too funny! I love how you put your own spin on your giveaways... I love the picture of you with corn grabbers! you COULD poke someone's eyes out! I wonder if they are allowed to be carried on a flight or would the TSA officials not allow them!
ReplyDeleteAnywho, I'd love to be entered into the giveaway! I can always use an AmEx gift card for food!
Hilarious! I could use those eye pokers. My youngest is in corn on the cob mode. The last pair of pokers I had were recently been destroyed by the garbage disposal.
ReplyDeleteWant want want!
ReplyDeleteOh my, that was funny! I needed that on a crabby morning! I tend to leave things mail and stuff sitting on my desk for WAY longer than intended!! It completely bugs the family if I leave a package unopened. They are DYING to find out what it is but I could care less. It's fun to torture them. I'm a great mom!
ReplyDeleteheck yes i wanna be in on this give away!
ReplyDeleteto own tongs that have caressed your ears and nose! heaven! lol
wendy
How did those tongs fit in the box? I'm assuming it was shimmied in there with the same technique I use to get into pantyhose...
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear Jack... Well the rules are simple, you must be an overweight white male from Winston Salem, NC. In addition to said discriminatory credential, you must also own a website entitled www.slimminsam.com and in addition must have not posted on the site since Mid May due to frustration and gloom. Once all the above requirements have been met, any recipient must post a comment on this page in order to be considered. Upon verifying the information provided is accurate, The last rule is that the possible winner must have just had a baby daughter born 7 weeks ago. There you go Jack. Simple rules and simple winner. Once you find someone who meets those characteristics, you have your winner (me).
ReplyDeleteThis is the best giveaway post, ever! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI really want those corn eye poker outers. They will come in handy when instead of watching football with the husband, I'd rather...
Oh sign me up! I love Fabio. There, obscure cultural reference. I count that as an entry.
ReplyDeleteHappy Wednesday morning!! =)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to be winner! ;)
Kat
Jack,
ReplyDeleteI love your giveaway.
I was banded exactly one week ago and I have loved reading your blog.
Put my name in! I live way down south in Louisiana and the summer last for oh, another 3 months, right?
ReplyDeleteSign me up! I could always use another ashtray. ;)
ReplyDeleteI never knew tongs had so many uses. Educational as always, Jack :)
ReplyDeleteooh, we need those corn pokers! Michigan corn is spot on this year. love your blog!
ReplyDeleteI followed a link from Bitchcakes, first time visitor and OMG you made me laugh so hard this morning!
ReplyDeleteHalarious post!
Living in the Cornhusker State! All those things remind me of home.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely in need of all those eye pokers!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jack!! I need that sh*t this morning!!! I was crabby and bitchy and this made me smile. laugh even!
ReplyDeleteYay - ashtray! Sign me up!
ReplyDeleteuhhh...rules? Must be a soon to be 45 years old woman from South Carolina who is -cough, cough- running her first 5k in September, even though she is still working at gettin' fit, Jack Sh*t!
ReplyDeleteI think the rules are...the 23rd comment wins! Oh look, I followed it!
ReplyDeleteRules? We don't need any stinkin' rules!! Just give me the sh*t!! On my best day I couldn't shoplift all that handy stuff!
ReplyDeleteThe chance to own something that YOU touched?! *swoon* (Wow, that was some good ICan'tBelieveIt'sNotButter buttering you up, huh?)
ReplyDelete=P
Great post, as ever, Jack. Thank you for the morning chuckle.
I see you're at it again Mr. Sh*t Head. Well I say...............HOOK A SISTER UP! Thx for always making me smile.
ReplyDeleteCindie
Since corn is the only veggie my kids will eat, we could really use all that sh*t. Best contest ever!
ReplyDeleteOh man... I totally need a back scratcher.. SIGN ME UP!!!
ReplyDeleteAmused and Confused... pretty typical Jack!
ReplyDeleteI'm in... you can send the gift card my way!
<3 Laura @Skinnypantsdreams.blogspot.com
Funny as always Jack (you know I get tired of saying that to you some days lol). Count me in for the forgotten giveaway!
ReplyDeleteI want to get in on the forgotten giveaway... in honour of the million things that can get forgotten on my desk...
ReplyDeleteJack you make me smile!
ReplyDeleteI wanna win!
ReplyDeleteNot that I'm unhappy losing, mind you... losing weight, losing excuses, losing reasons to stay home and sit on the couch rather than leading an active life...
but there are somethings it's just nice to win: prizes (as long as they aren't a 5 lb bag of sugar). awards (OK, so I'm not terribly fond of my last place bowling trophy) ... but MONEY and GIFT CARDS!?!... well, they're always nice.
I think I should win. I'm running my first 5K on September 12th and I have to run 13 WHOLE MINUTES IN A ROW tonight.
ReplyDeleteI want the gift card so I can stop shoplifting the groceries...the gas...or whatever else :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the giggle this morning!
When I was a kid, my younger sister stabbed me in the stomach with one of those things. I've been afraid to use them ever since. Maybe this is a a sign......
ReplyDeleteI definitely want to win this. I need a new speculum anyway, so your timing is perfecto!
ReplyDeleteHaving a hubby and 3 boys, that weiner pincher aka tongs could come in purdy handy in my home..Anytime they act up, I'll just have to grab the weiner pinchers and they'll know I mean business...I NEED THEM JACK I need all that shyt!
ReplyDeleteWhat I would do with sweet ass corn ash tray... Hahaha, I'd like to win this.
ReplyDeleteFinally something to hold the zuchinni with! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I'm totally cracking up over these pictures! I would love to win this stuff, if only just to be able to say "I won something from Jack Sh*t"! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that yada yada is blah blah but I'll join that yayaya. Holla if I win. kthxby
ReplyDeleteOooh...a corn shaped ashtray and pokey things?
ReplyDeleteSign me up :)
Oooh, shiny things! Pokey things!! Spendy things!!! I'm in.
ReplyDeleteCat
JUly 26th, ha!
ReplyDeleteI want in on this giveaway too!
Year you missed that date by just a tad LOL.
ReplyDeleteHey... who can't stand to win something for nothing! Consider me entered into the fray!
ReplyDeleteButter.
ReplyDeleteI like it.
Does this disqualify me?
I was gonna say that I should win, until I saw Candice's comment. She wins! Totally!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Sign me up, free food card is full of win in my book XD. Plus I just bought a new grill /hint hint ^.^
ReplyDeleteYippee! Consider me entering to win! :)
ReplyDeleteI wanna win! I can't believe it's almost the end of summer... wahoo!
ReplyDeleteOOOH A corn shaped ashtray it will go prefect with my corn cob pipe! Sign me up!
ReplyDeleteThis is crazy and hilarious. Hunni does silly things like that all the time. But Heck I'd love $25 to grab all the end of summer deals for grilling next year ;-)
ReplyDeleteLove this blog! So fun to get free stuff!
ReplyDeleteI'd love to enter for the $25 gift card. It'll help pay for healthy food since our rent just doubled. :)
Awesome giveaway! and I love that you forgot about it, haha. Please enter me in :)
ReplyDeleteI wonder how the tweet-up went...
I had my physical today, and since it was my first since turning 40, I got the one-finger lubricated salute.
ReplyDeleteI will note that the good doctor did NOT use "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" on the proverbial gloved finger - it might have brought some much-needed levity to the blessed event.
Is that good for an entry into this here sweepstakes?
Made me laugh. I like this blog, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteJack Bronson | Workout without Weights
Those are huge tongs..and my entry is that I certainly don't want any of that stuff.
ReplyDeleteHave a great day Jack.
Sign me up!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're frickin hilarious! Why have I not been following this blog already? I'll never know.
ReplyDeleteP.S. The rules are: I win. Thanks!
Still chuckling.
ReplyDeletePlease enter me in your giveaway.
Thank you.
I love a good pair of tongs in the kitchen! Handy for picking stuff up off the floor that I drop, as well as turning stuff over when cooking; just gotta remember to clean between picking up and cooking!
ReplyDeleteOh! OH!!! PICK ME!!! PICK MEEEEEEE!!!! PLEASE???? I could really use it. My DD is DRIVING me insane today and all I want to do is eat due to stress. I could use a little sunshine on this otherwise cloudy, stressed-out, let me eat everything in the house, kinda day.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm losing so much weight, I need that back-scratcher because I'm so itchy. And the eye-pokers and the ashtray would come in handy for that yellow stuff growing in big blades of grass in our backyard.
ReplyDeleteSo...
me! mememememememememememememememe
me! mememememememememememememememe
Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com
JULY!? I get a package and I open it before I even get in the door. Sounds like you must be getting to many packages for you own good, you better just forward all your packages my way and I'll be sure to open it in a timely manner.
ReplyDeleteSweet! I can use the gift card since I don't shoplift! The tongs would be useful as well. Just sayin'!
ReplyDeleteYOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that it's a credit card so I could use it here in Aus.
ReplyDeleteSo I would love to be a part of the give away.
I can not believe that in 3 days wait 2 now I will be 35!!! O.o 35??!!
I feel kinda old lol.
Anyways it would make a great win to spoil myself a bit
Best giveaway ever. If I make up the rules that the best post from a person with a name that starts with Q wins, does that work? Hmmm? :)
ReplyDeleteFree sh*t! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteJust wondering ... Was there ACTUAL I Can't Believe It's Not Butter in that box? Did it spoil while wating to be opened? I'd be gald to take the spoiled ICBINB off your hands along this the other "tainted" things.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? That Jack Sh*t is an absolute dreamboat! ;-)
ReplyDeleteProbably the best forgotten giveaway EVER
ReplyDeleteThese posts need a warning "you may piddle your pants laughing!".
ReplyDeleteI love making my own rules which, in this case, is to leave a comment...
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't use fake butter, I don't eat corn, I haven't BBQ'd in like forever, but hell - I sure could use $25 smackers! Count me in!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog BTW! (Shameless compliment can't hurt, right?) :D
ME ME ME!!!! Enter me!!
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! Love your blog!
Ever heard of someone walking around with a corn-cob up their a**? Well, what you've got there is a do-it-yourself, corn-cob insertion kit. The cob preparation tray (to hold the corn while "assuming the position"), cob positioners (with pointy ends for a sure grip), a cob extractor (for safe retrieval of said cob), and a $25 gift card to replenish the corn cob inventory. Since I have recently been accused of "getting on my high horse" (and I already have a kit for that), I could really use a corn-cob insertion kit to shake things up a bit. Keeping my fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteuh, I'll take that off your hands for you.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I'm comment #82, I was born in '82!! No young people comments, I'm relishing my last two years in the 20's :)
ReplyDeleteI followed Amanda's rules and my rules stated emailed entries would be accepted until 8/26/10 at 12:30 PM
ReplyDeleteI followed Amanda's and Old Lady's rules and my rules stated emailed entries would be accepted until 8/26/10 at 12:30 PM
ReplyDeleteLast but I hope not least. I could use those eyeball pokers.
ReplyDelete