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Friday, June 25, 2010

Signs You’ve Got a Bad Personal Trainer

  • Makes you do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour
  • Keeps calling you “Bootylicious”

  • Eats three caramel apples during your session

  • Lots of self-done tattoos

  • Not sure what a “bicep curl” is

  • Dresses in an official Star Trek uniform

  • Tells you last job was as Wac-a-Mole operator for traveling carnival

  • Thinks “Gluteus Maximus” is “that dude in the Gladiator movie”

  • Spends first thirty minutes of session trying to convince you that professional wrestling isn’t fake

  • Asks you to hold the funnel while he pours tequila into water bottle

  • Carries clipboard, but only thing on it is a beat-up copy of Hustler magazine

  • Claims to have gotten personal training degree from The University of Harvard

  • All former clients have passed away due to mysterious circumstances

  • Loves to encourage you by speaking “baby talk”

  • Holds sessions in his trailer

  • Sits down on your stomach in the middle of your bench press

  • Schedules six people at the same time

  • Offers to be paid in Crystal Meth

  • He advertises on Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit


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25 comments:

  1. theantijaredJune 25, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    Wait...are you sure they are not supposed to call you "bootylicious"?

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJune 25, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    haha I wouldn't be able to resist myself if he ate 3 caramel apples - one would be mine!

    ReplyDelete
  3. meJune 25, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    I think I would quite like to be called Bootylicious actually... :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fun and Fit: Kymberly and AlexandraJune 25, 2010 at 2:47 PM

    Say, did you get this picture off the cover of the Feb. 2009 IDEA Fitness Journal magazine? I write for them! Anyway, this blog isn't silly enough. Guess you'd better keep writing!
    http://funandfit.org

    ReplyDelete
  5. ScuttlebooseJune 25, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    There's some motivation to get back to the gym... I think? :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Maria@HuffandBuffJune 25, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    I'm assuming this isn't the kind of trailer you are talking about

    http://www.mobilefitness.net/home.html

    ReplyDelete
  7. SylJune 25, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    wrestling is rigged..WHAT? I mean WHAT??? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Losing Weight After 45 is a BitchJune 25, 2010 at 3:39 PM

    You know you have a bad personal trainer when, after you're through, he pats you on the back and says, "Now let's go get dessert."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maria@HuffandBuffJune 25, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    @Losing Weight

    I think it's OK as long as he doesn't pat you on your "bootylicious" butt.

    ReplyDelete
  10. GenJune 25, 2010 at 5:14 PM

    Tells you "You're perfect just the way you are!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. RaegunJune 25, 2010 at 6:26 PM

    And all this time I thought tequila was helpful in a post workout margarita. You know....replenishing salt and all. ;)
    Rae

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jody - Fit at 52June 25, 2010 at 6:53 PM

    :-) Are you speaking from experience???

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mad WomanJune 25, 2010 at 6:53 PM

    Well personally I love when my trainer calls me bootylicious. It distracts me from the fact that he has no idea what he's doing!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJune 25, 2010 at 8:29 PM

    And I thought my trainer was just a bit over the top when he asked to store his bong in my locker. After reading this, he's looking pretty good...

    Love,
    Jill

    ReplyDelete
  15. KellyJune 25, 2010 at 8:41 PM

    I am so glad I don't have a trainer. And you are a rock star!

    ReplyDelete
  16. PatrickJune 25, 2010 at 9:36 PM

    WHAT? “Gluteus Maximus” was not that dude in the Gladiator movie?

    ReplyDelete
  17. KathrynJune 25, 2010 at 10:39 PM

    Where do I sign up? I want a trainer like that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ChristineJune 26, 2010 at 12:55 AM

    lolol....paid in crystal meth...what about paid in chickens? Now that's just creepy.

    ReplyDelete
  19. PetraJune 26, 2010 at 4:22 AM

    I´m thinking about becoming a personal trainer.
    No caramel apples (during the session)
    No tequila
    What do you mean, Gluteus Maximus wasn´t in Gladiator? Wasn´t he the bloke with the fancy sandals?
    .....
    Think I got it!
    Thanks for the tips

    (love your blog)
    XX

    ReplyDelete
  20. SGJune 26, 2010 at 7:41 AM

    ha!! that is GREAT!

    ReplyDelete
  21. JamieJune 26, 2010 at 10:34 AM

    Well duh a good trainer would use vodka because you can not tell the difference between that and water duh!

    ReplyDelete
  22. MikiJune 26, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    Damn...now I want a caramel apple...

    ReplyDelete
  23. 'DreaJune 26, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    See, that's why I leave the personal trainers alone...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Salted with ShadowsJune 28, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    No wonder having a personal trainer didn't work for me! I might have liked him better if he'd had tequila to share. On second thought, probably not. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. KirstenJune 28, 2010 at 10:44 PM

    I personally would pay my trainer more to call me Bootylicious.

    ReplyDelete