Oh, The Weight You Will Lose

Congratulations!
You’re well on your way.
On the road to your Goal Weight!
You’re a loser, I say!

You have your head in the game,
And gusto in your gut.
You have made the decision
To work off your butt.
You know what to do. And you know that you know.
And YOU are the person who’ll make those pounds go.

You'll look up and down menus. What care you’ll be takin’.
You will order the salad, not a cheeseburger with bacon.
With your head in the game and your guts full of gusto,
You’ll take this journey down the path that it must go.

And you may find exercise
Will help manage your stress.
Will amp up your energy
And make you weigh less.

It's easier now
You are movin’ and groovin’.

Others can do this
And frequently do.
They’re getting it done
You CAN do it, too

And soon things’ll start happenin’
If you keep doing well.
You’ll see good results
When you hop on the scale.

OH!
THE WEIGHT YOU WILL LOSE!

You'll be on your way down!
You'll be wearing new clothes!
You'll join all the others
who reach for new lows.

Your behind will not lag, you’ll be feelin’ less flabby
You’ll find yourself thinkin’, “Hey, this ain’t too shabby.”
Whenever you weigh, you'll feel like the boss
Whenever you weigh, you will show a big loss.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say it
But I’m just being real.
Yes, bad snacks
And Set-backs
Are part of the deal.

So you may find there’re days
When your ass will be draggin’.
In that case, of course,
You will fall Off the Wagon.

You may head off to Lunch
With a plan not to stray
Then eat your weight in shrimp
At a Seafood Buffet.

And while off the Wagon
You can gain back a ton.
And re-wagoning one's self
Is not easily done.

You may come to a place where you want to give in.
Where you think you’ll just live with your big double chin.
A place you’ll know that you’ll never know peace!
You don’t want to diet. You don’t want to increase.
How long can you live while you’re living obese?

And IF you give in, should you just try to forget it...
Forget that you tried once and just didn’t did it?
You couldn’t succeed, though you really did strive to?
Now you need something else to revive you.
Do you truly think you’ll find it there at the drive-thru?

You can get so down and out
That your heart will start racing,
And you’ll wonder if it’s a heart attack that you’re facing.
If not, you’ll continue to feed your fat face,
Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Weighting Place...

...for people just weighting.
Waiting for a flash of light.
Waiting until the time is right.
Til’ your job eases up or the kids are grown
Or until you don’t feel so all alone.
Waiting around ‘til it’s just about too late
And piling more and more food on your plate.
And you’re starting to lose it.

Losing your will to start making a stand.
Losing your ability to do what you’ve planned.
Sitting there watching your waistband expand.
Or losing, perhaps, a big part of your future
Just begging for food like some beggy moocher.
Losing yourself, though that sounds kind of strange
Losing a chance that you can make a Change.
Everyone is just losing it.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you will do it
The only losing you’ll observe
Is when you step on that scale
For the loss you deserve.

With your spirit still soaring,
Once more weight’ll be dropping.
There’s nothing that’ll stop you.
For you there’s no stopping!

Oh, the weight you will lose! There are goals to be met.
There is work to be done. There’s still sweat you can sweat.
And you will do great in your quest to be small.
Why, you’ll be the losingest-est loser of all.
Success! You’ll be as fit as a fiddle
With a whole lot less mess stuck ‘round your middle.

Except when you fail
And things don't go so well.

I'm afraid that some weigh-ins
Will show a big gain.
And you’ll feel that this whole
Rigamarole is in vain.

Big and fat!
Whether you like it or not,
You’ll feel that you’ll never
Lose diddly-squat.

It’s so frustrating, but there's a very good chance
That you’ll one day be wearing your not-so-fat pants.
There is no reason at all this weight has to haunt you.
All it will take is some will and some want-to.

And so on you will go
Though your stomach will growl.
On you will go
You won't throw in the towel!
On you will go
And it’s time to go now.
Downward you’ll go
Past milestones and goals.
We’re losing our backsides
And saving our souls.

On and on you will go,
And I know you’ll achieve it.
All it takes is a plan
And that you really believe it.

You'll have bad days, of course,
As you already know.
You'll stumble and struggle
You’ll stub your fat toe.
But you’ll get to your feet
And you’ll get back on track.
And if you don’t believe that
Then you don’t know Jack.
Just never forget the advice that I’m giving
Get fit and enjoy this life that you’re living.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(100 and 27 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL LOSE TONS!

So...
Be your name Julia Goulia or the fitness wonder twins.
Fitarella, Kristen, Roni or my other good friends.
You're off on a Great Journey!
Today is your day, friend!
Your new life is waiting.
So...have a great weigh-in!