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Friday, May 28, 2010

My Birthday Survival Plan

  • Don’t eat my age in waffles for breakfast
  • Call in “old” at work
  • Rue all the mistakes I’ve made in my life
  • Update "to-do" list with new mistakes
  • Celebrate my B25K completion this year (“Birth to 5K”)
  • Only track 1 out of every 10 calories I consume today
  • Sell whatever present my mom gets me on ebay
  • Say my prayers and take my vitamins like professional wrestler Hulk Hogan said I should
  • Work out in my birthday suit
  • Take a big bowl of fat-free ice cream, flush it down the toilet and enjoy a bowl of the good stuff
  • Drag out a pair of fat pants and thank heaven they no longer fit
  • Use my “Get Out of One Workout Free” card
  • “Afternoon delight,” if you know what I mean (yes, I mean a nap)
  • Drink plenty of water… among other beverages
  • Get 100 comments on my birthday post (*hint hint*)
  • Strip karaoke
  • Keep trying to convince myself that age is just a number
  • Eat healthy, eat less, exercise... starting tomorrow
  • Don’t even bother making a wish before blowing out the candles; they’ve all already come true
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107 comments:

  1. Anne HMay 28, 2010 at 6:12 AM

    ♫♪♫♬
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday to Jack Sh*t!

    ReplyDelete
  2. JourneyBeyondSurvivalMay 28, 2010 at 6:14 AM

    Oh man. You could shoot for the moon, and you only go for 100? We can get you up to a lot higher than that...

    ...enjoy your good stuff ice cream. Not many people can say they've already gotten their wishes! Bappy Hirthday.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JuliaMay 28, 2010 at 6:20 AM

    LOL! Sounds like a plan to me! Happy Birthday, Jack! Thanks for brightening my days:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. HelenMay 28, 2010 at 6:33 AM

    They say it's your birthday (da da da da!). Let THEM eat cake - you stay on the straight and narrow. OK, you can have a piece of cake. Happy Happy Joy Joy Mr. Sh*t!

    ReplyDelete
  5. karenMay 28, 2010 at 6:40 AM

    Happy happy happy birthday, Jack!!! I know I'M awfully glad you were born :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jen from OregonMay 28, 2010 at 6:41 AM

    Call in "old" to work, that's funny! Happy birthday....and many more!

    ReplyDelete
  7. ChristineMay 28, 2010 at 6:50 AM

    I think I'm Comment #5 (only 95 left to go)
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I know you'll make it an amazing one!

    ReplyDelete
  8. JamieMay 28, 2010 at 6:52 AM

    happy birthday

    ReplyDelete
  9. RonMay 28, 2010 at 7:05 AM

    Happy birthday, good sir.

    Might I recommend that while you're saying your prayers and taking your vitamins... I want you to start every reply to a sentence with "Well you know something, Mean Gene!"

    If you throw in a "WHATCHAGONNADO?" then I will start building your shrine immediately.

    Have a good one!

    ReplyDelete
  10. wendyinjapanMay 28, 2010 at 7:13 AM

    I kinda figured you always work out in your birthday suit...guess I was wrong! Enjoy it today :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 7:27 AM

    Anne has such a lovely voice, doesn't she?

    ♬♬Happy Birthday dear Jack.. Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuu ♬♬

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 7:27 AM

    Anne has such a lovely voice, doesn't she?

    ♬♬Happy Birthday dear Jack.. Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuu ♬♬

    ReplyDelete
  13. kat smithMay 28, 2010 at 7:32 AM

    You are my inspiration and you always put me in a good mood. When I reach my goal I will do my own version of strip karaoke. Have a wonderful birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jules - Big Girl BombshellMay 28, 2010 at 7:32 AM

    Yep! I can take a hint! ENJOY your day whatever ways you WANT!

    ReplyDelete
  15. SRMay 28, 2010 at 7:36 AM

    Happy Birthday crazy Jack!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. H.E.A.May 28, 2010 at 7:38 AM

    Strip Karoake? Hmmmmm....

    Happy Birthday my crazy blogging friend!! I hope it's fabulous :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. PatrickMay 28, 2010 at 7:40 AM

    Careful now with that "Work out in my birthday suit" part of the plan. Hopefully you aren't working out on one of those home gym systems with all the cables and pulleys.

    Been on Blogger a bit more than a month, discovered your site yesterday, love it. Sent you a note card this morning.

    Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Maria@HuffandBuffMay 28, 2010 at 7:51 AM

    Happy Birthday! Post number 18 on the way to 100 for today. Enjoy your day!

    Maria

    ReplyDelete
  19. SylMay 28, 2010 at 8:01 AM

    Is it you birthday my friend - well Happy Birthday! This last year you have done amazing things and my wish for you is for this to be your year!
    All the best to you Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  20. ~Karen C.L. Anderson~May 28, 2010 at 8:01 AM

    Happiest of birthdays Jack!

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnnMay 28, 2010 at 8:01 AM

    Happy Birthday! Make sure it eat your cake.

    ReplyDelete
  22. LeslieMay 28, 2010 at 8:03 AM

    HB! Strip karaoke sounds horrific and terrifying. You've had a pretty damn successful year and helped a zillion people. We salute and thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Laurie (TheSafestScents.com)May 28, 2010 at 8:05 AM

    Happy birthday, Jack! I hope it's a great one! Fun list you have there! :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Aunt JuiceboxMay 28, 2010 at 8:08 AM

    Have an awesome birthday Jack! You deserve it, and thanks for all the inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Fat DaddyMay 28, 2010 at 8:10 AM

    Happy Birthday. Who knew Hulk Hogan gave health advice? What's next family counseling?

    ReplyDelete
  26. maria @ Chasing the NowMay 28, 2010 at 8:13 AM

    Happy, Happy, Happy birthday to the man who makes me laugh almost daily! :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 8:14 AM

    Happy Birthday and enjoy your day!

    ReplyDelete
  28. mommy_sammykMay 28, 2010 at 8:14 AM

    Happy Birthday Jack!! Hope it's a great one cause you definitely deserve it! =)

    ReplyDelete
  29. ThunderThighsMay 28, 2010 at 8:25 AM

    woohooo! happy birthday!! here's to another healthy year for ya!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Karen@WaistingTimeMay 28, 2010 at 8:28 AM

    Happy birthday to you!! I had mine last week and celebrated with four flavors of gelato. Yum. Back on the diet the next meal.

    Have a great day and fabulous year.

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    Age IS just a number. But remember, like Mama always said: act your age, not your shoe size.

    Enjoy you special day. Here that? The angels are singing. Bless you Jack.

    Love,
    Jill

    ReplyDelete
  32. KateMay 28, 2010 at 8:49 AM

    Happy happies! Wahoo!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Alexia May 28, 2010 at 8:57 AM

    happy birthday! i wonder if you look more forward to them (birthdays, i mean) since you took charge of your health?

    ReplyDelete
  34. AnnMay 28, 2010 at 9:00 AM

    Call in "old" at work?? Ha ha ahahahaha! I am soooooooo stealing that one. Happy Birthday!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. JokerMay 28, 2010 at 9:02 AM

    happy birthday! you rock!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Cammy@TippyToeDietMay 28, 2010 at 9:02 AM

    Whatever comment # I am, I'm wishing you the happiest birthday EVER!

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 9:03 AM

    Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  38. what-e-verMay 28, 2010 at 9:04 AM

    Happy Birthday!!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Dani @ PFLMay 28, 2010 at 9:06 AM

    Happy Birthday!

    Damn. Now I want cake.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Body By PizzaMay 28, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    Mmmm. Caaaaake. I mean... Happy Birthday?

    ReplyDelete
  41. GenMay 28, 2010 at 9:10 AM

    Happy B25K Jack!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. BellaMay 28, 2010 at 9:16 AM

    Strip Karaoke, that i'd like to see ;p

    ReplyDelete
  43. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 9:19 AM

    "Update to-do list with more mistakes" I LIKE it! Fun post - happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  44. KyraMay 28, 2010 at 9:24 AM

    What would you be singing when you do strip karaoke?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Losing ItMay 28, 2010 at 9:25 AM

    Happy Birthday !!

    ReplyDelete
  46. UnknownMay 28, 2010 at 9:38 AM

    HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 9:40 AM

    Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  48. UnknownMay 28, 2010 at 9:45 AM

    Happy Birthday!! Eat and enjoy your day!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Amy @ FindingfitmeMay 28, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    Happy new birthday suit to you :-)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Vagabonds MercantileMay 28, 2010 at 9:55 AM

    happy b-day

    ReplyDelete
  51. kwithmeMay 28, 2010 at 9:59 AM

    Happy Birthday! May this year be the best yet!

    ReplyDelete
  52. KinderMay 28, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    Happy Birthday! Have a great one!

    ReplyDelete
  53. 4athomejMay 28, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    #50 HAPPY BIRTHDAY....

    ReplyDelete
  54. Ryan @NoMoreBaconMay 28, 2010 at 10:30 AM

    Your Birthday suit sounds fancy. Any plans to wear it out on the town?

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK!

    ReplyDelete
  55. LindaMay 28, 2010 at 10:30 AM

    Happy birthday to you!
    and many more!!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Jennifer NewmanMay 28, 2010 at 10:37 AM

    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday to you!
    You look like a monkey,
    And you smell like one too!!

    ReplyDelete
  57. bbubblybMay 28, 2010 at 10:38 AM

    Now that is some Birthday wishes!!!!! Happy Birthday Jack, can't wait till next year!!! Have a terrific one!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  58. bekah10May 28, 2010 at 10:48 AM

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! : )

    ReplyDelete
  59. TheresaMay 28, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    HBDJS!

    ReplyDelete
  60. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    Happy Birthday

    ReplyDelete
  61. Jennifer@womanvfoodMay 28, 2010 at 11:28 AM

    happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  62. sflunchreviewMay 28, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    Happy Birthday! I just discovered your site from the anti-jared. love it!

    ReplyDelete
  63. MorganMay 28, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    Happy Birthday!!! And I'd like the official rules to strip karaoke, please.

    ReplyDelete
  64. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    Happy Birthday!!

    ReplyDelete
  65. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    Here is your Birthday song,
    it isn't very long....

    ReplyDelete
  66. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 12:02 PM

    Awww, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my friend! You gonna show us how you look in your birthday suit?

    ReplyDelete
  67. RiverMay 28, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    "Don’t even bother making a wish before blowing out the candles; they’ve all already come true" This could be my favorite quote! So beautiful and I know it's your birthday but it made me smile the biggest smile ever :))

    HAPPY BIRTDAY the man who had his every wish already came true ♥

    ReplyDelete
  68. 'DreaMay 28, 2010 at 12:16 PM

    I love the not making a wish one. Have a very Happy Birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  69. beejMay 28, 2010 at 12:29 PM

    Love it!

    "Drag out a pair of fat pants and thank heaven they no longer fit"

    I'll be celebrating mine in a couple of weeks...

    ReplyDelete
  70. Jody - Fit at 52May 28, 2010 at 12:49 PM

    I love your last one! Have the best bday ever! You deserve it!

    ReplyDelete
  71. AlexandraMay 28, 2010 at 12:56 PM

    I'm so NOT helping you get 100 comments on your birthday post.

    ReplyDelete
  72. GeorgiaBEMay 28, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    Happy B-day!

    ReplyDelete
  73. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 1:04 PM

    ♬♬Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jack, Happy Birthday to you!!!♬♬

    Yay to all your wishes coming true!!!

    ReplyDelete
  74. I'm Just Another Fat Girl -jafgMay 28, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    In the immortal words of Frosty The Snowman...


    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

    -jafg

    ReplyDelete
  75. ChayahMay 28, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    You rock! Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  76. UnknownMay 28, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    Happy Birthday Mr. Sh*t!

    ReplyDelete
  77. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 2:40 PM

    Happy Birthday Jack!!! Hope it's Purrrrrrfect!!!

    ReplyDelete
  78. Lynda with a YMay 28, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    have a great bday and an even better year. here's to health!

    ReplyDelete
  79. DebMay 28, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    Happy birthday Jack. I'm sure you'll make it great.

    ReplyDelete
  80. AmandaMay 28, 2010 at 3:10 PM

    Happy Birthday in your new birthday suit ;)

    ReplyDelete
  81. MargieAnneMay 28, 2010 at 3:19 PM

    Happy Birthday from New Zealand. It's Saturday, why are you talking about work? Oops is there something like a dateline between thee and me.

    ReplyDelete
  82. judyqofkMay 28, 2010 at 3:24 PM

    Happy Birthday Jack! Hope your day is as haooy as your blog make me!

    ReplyDelete
  83. AllisonMay 28, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  84. kaitlinMay 28, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    Happy Birthday, buddy! Hope you are having a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  85. meMay 28, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    Happy Birthday!!

    ReplyDelete
  86. NellaMay 28, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    Happy Birthday! What a great post! You are blessed with all your followers!

    ReplyDelete
  87. SeattleRunnerGirlMay 28, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Dude, you so underestimate us!

    Happy birthday, and congratulations that your wishes have already come true!

    ReplyDelete
  88. Friend of the BearMay 28, 2010 at 5:07 PM

    Many Happy Returns!

    Bearfriend xx

    ReplyDelete
  89. MichelleMay 28, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Happy Happy :)

    ReplyDelete
  90. QuixMay 28, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    Happy Birthday! :) Birthdays are for doing whatever the hell you want and returning to normal life tomorrow. Hope you have a great one!

    ReplyDelete
  91. Wishful ShrinkingMay 28, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    Happy Birthday fellow
    Gemini... Mines on Monday... everyone should take the day off and help me celebrate!

    ReplyDelete
  92. SoozeMay 28, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    Happy Birthday!!!

    ReplyDelete
  93. AnonymousMay 28, 2010 at 6:24 PM

    happiest of birthdays to you!!

    ReplyDelete
  94. Stephanie M.May 28, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    Happiest of birthdays to you, Mr. Sh*t!

    ReplyDelete
  95. SherRonMay 28, 2010 at 7:54 PM

    It's your birthday too!?! You're like my much much much older twin. Haha I'm just giving you sh*t.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Greg - Stop Yo Yo DietingMay 28, 2010 at 8:13 PM

    Happy bidet Jack!

    ReplyDelete
  97. CiaMay 28, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    it's not my birthday tomorrow but I have been contemplating calling in 'old' myself. LOL

    Happy Birthday Jack!!

    ReplyDelete
  98. ChristineMay 28, 2010 at 8:39 PM

    Long time reader, first time poster, b/c HEY, I think I'm #100. :) Love your blog - Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  99. KristinMay 28, 2010 at 9:53 PM

    Happy! Happy! I think I'll follow those rules, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  100. ChristineMay 28, 2010 at 11:08 PM

    Here's one hundred three..unless someone else gets in under the wire. I am all for calling in old at work and flushing the fat free ice cream.
    Happy Birthday Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  101. TaraMay 29, 2010 at 12:16 AM

    Holy crap, are you even going to get through all of these comments to see me down there?

    Happy birthday Jack.

    I hope you got some good sh*t!

    ReplyDelete
  102. screwdestinyMay 29, 2010 at 2:28 AM

    Happy Birthday, Jack! That part about the ice cream made me laugh out loud.

    ReplyDelete
  103. AnonymousMay 29, 2010 at 3:27 AM

    Happy Birthday, Jack. And many more... Thank you for sharing what's on your kooky mind every day.
    - Lori H.

    ReplyDelete
  104. UnknownMay 29, 2010 at 4:16 AM

    oh go on then, I can take a hint!

    HAPPY BURPDAY JACK!!!

    did you know that Birthday calories don't count? and if you eat with your eyes closed they doubly don't count :-)

    x

    ReplyDelete
  105. Mad WomanMay 29, 2010 at 7:34 AM

    Sounds like a good plan!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  106. TammyMay 29, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    I, for one, am DEFINITELY celebrating your birth. Where would we be without our biggest cheerleader & fan? :) Big hugs on your birthday Jack! :)

    ReplyDelete
  107. LeeMay 31, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    Much lurve to you on your birthday weekend. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete