Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where our motto is "Play it again, Sh*t." This one is from my birthday last year and it's eeire just how close to true all these predictions came. I'm out having birthday fun this weekend, so all will be quiet on the commenting/tweeting/email front. And for the record, I'm not getting older... I'm getting fitter.
Dear Jack,
I’m emailing you from one year in the future (go to Outlook under Preferences and turn off “Linear Time” setting… oh, wait… that might be in the next upgrade). As someone who knows you better than most, let me be the first to say, “I never thought you’d be able to do it.”
I mean, really. Fourteen months ago you were a f*cking mess. Feeling sorry for yourself. Constant aches and pains. Eating in the car, at your desk, standing over the sink. Eating, eating, eating.
Then one day you snapped out of it. I can’t even remember exactly what set you off, but you got your act together and I’m sure glad you did. I’m here to report that life is better than ever for your future self. Here’s the lowdown…
The good news: You have really lost a lot of weight.
The bad news: Some of those skinny pants you saved weren’t as fashionable as you thought.
The good news: You feel better than you have for years.
The bad news: You don’t have any excuse not to do all that work around the house anymore.
The good news: You’ve managed to keep the weight off.
The bad news: New Cell Scale technology makes your cell phone yell out your current weight every 20 minutes.
The good news: Paris Hilton got really, really fat.
The bad news: She gets drunk and posts obnoxious comments on your blog all the time.
The good news: You’re going to get a sweet new car this fall.
The bad news: Please wear your seat belt (especially on November 12th, January 24th, February 2nd and April 20th).
The good news: The economy finally got better.
The bad news: Gas is $7 a gallon.
The good news: Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit is still going strong.
The bad news: You ran out of good ideas 11 months ago.
Anyway, happy birthday Year-Ago Jack. Thanks a bunch for getting your sh*t together, buddy.
Sincerely,
Jack Sh*t
May 28, 2010
...as if linear time ever mattered to any of us....
ReplyDelete...or good ideas.....
but Paris Hilton - now that's the sh*t right there!
Your too cute jack!! Happy Birthday. Maybe get yourself some "new" fashionable pants! Have a great day!!
ReplyDeleteI love this. I have one slowly flying back to me somewhere. I am glad so much has come to fruition Jack.
ReplyDeleteSo why do you need to especially wear your seat belt on November 12th, January 24th, February 2nd and April 20th?
ReplyDeleteCool idea writing a letter to yourself a year from now and reflecting on it in a year.
Love this. Under all the humor, it is very sweet too. Just like you.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jill
Oh weird, you were supposed to make sure to wear your seatbelt on my birthday! I hope you listened to your advice :)
ReplyDeletelinear time modules are not a current feature? Damn. Maybe there's a story in that ... Thanks!
ReplyDeleteKeep doing what you are doing & keep enjoying the bday weekend!
ReplyDeletewhat kinda car didja get??
ReplyDeleteI'm not employing you as a prophet. Gas at $7 gallon ....
ReplyDeleteThe rest is OK especially Paris .... no perhaps that's a bit mean. Who'd wish fat on their worst enemy.
I hope you found some fashionable pants ... Does shopping get better for guys or is that just a girl thing?
No funny comment here. I'm shit out of clever, that's why I read you!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday :-)
Happy Birthday :)
ReplyDeleteLove it. I do in with regards to other areas of my life and am now inspired to do it with regards to my weight/health too. Thanks Jack (*_*)
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, what a fabulous birthday present you have given yourself. Happy Birthday Jack (*_*)
ReplyDeletewhat a fantastic idea! I love the idea of writing a letter from my future self. hope you don't mind me stealing some of your ideas.
ReplyDelete