Really Bad Weight Loss Advice

• Trick your stomach into feeling full by eating a couple of sticks of butter.
• Carry around a bag of Milky Way bars in your gym bag in case your blood sugar goes too low or you really feel like a Milky Way bar.
• Weigh yourself once a year.
• When you go to the movies, request “Light butter” on your box of Milk Duds.
• When you eat a loaf of French bread, scrape off the carbs first.
• To curb the urge to get up in the middle of the night and go to the kitchen for a midnight snack, keep a pan of warm brownies on your nightstand.
• Instead of a Big Mac when you go to McDonald’s, settle for two Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese.
• Going out doesn’t have to be all about a big entrée; next time, just order a round or two of cheesesticks, potato skins and the Triple Dipper Southwest egg rolls.
• If you can’t remember to eat fresh fruit, fruit-flavored ice cream is an acceptable alternative.
• Instead of saying “Yes” when the drive-thru girl asks “Would you like fries with that?” say “Please.”
• Watch a workout DVD at least once a week.
• A salad with Thousand Island dressing has a surprising amount of calories; next time, just leave off the salad and swig the dressing from the bottle.
• Make one day of the week a “Nothing-But-Cheese” day.
• Instead of salting your food, put a hunk of salt between your cheek and gum and release a little bit with each bite.
• One slice of cake may be high in calories, but they never say just how big the slice can be. You’ve got ‘em on a technicality.
• Make up impressive weight loss numbers for your blog to make you feel better about your progress.