Why My Last Weigh-In Wasn't So Hot

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Blinded by fridge light other night; accidentally ate a cheesecake
  
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Stepped on scale left foot first instead of right foot first
  
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Forgot pre-weigh-in prayer
  
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Thought I was going to Zumba class but it turned out to be keg party
  
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Conspiracy at the highest levels of government
  
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Had gum in my mouth
  
• Forgot to exhale when I stepped on scale; lungs were full of heavy, heavy oxygen
  
• Don’t understand it; must have had a hundred fat-free brownies this week!
  
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Went ahead and had all I could eat at all-you-can-eat buffet
  
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Had Oreo coupon that was about to expire
  
• Pissed off voodoo witch-lady down in New Orleans
  
• Something in the air
  
• Misread recipe; it read “teaspoon” of olive oil and I thought it said “tablefull”
  
• Bad luck because I ate a black cat
  
• Weighed in the nude, but feel I could have been nuder