You Have the Right to Remain Hungry

“C'mon, Jack,” the cop growled. “I know you did it. You know you did it. Angry Eddie knows you did it...”

“YOU DID IT! FESS UP, YOU JERKWAD!”



“Ease up, Angry Eddie. Jack’s gonna talk.”



“Is this that ‘good cop, bad cop’ thing I’ve heard so much about?”

“NO, IT'S NOT, YOU STUPID IDIOT!”



“Easy there, Angry Eddie. Jack, what Angry Eddie was trying to say is that you might as well fess up.”



“I don't know what you’re talking about.”



“Time.”



“Huh?”

“HE SAID “TIME”, YOU EFFING MORON.”



“I know he said ‘time’, Officer Angry Eddie. I just don't know what he meant by it.”



“I meant that you're guilty of killing time.”

“Killing time?”



“That's right. Squandering the relatively small allotment of time you have on this Earth.”



“I don't understand...”

“Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey once said, ‘Time is a cruel thief to rob us of our former selves. We lose as much to life as we do to death.’”

“Okay, but who the hell is Elizabeth Forsy...” 

“Listen, Jack. It’s time for you to get serious about reaching your goals. Time for you to start pushing forward to achieve your hopes and dreams.”



“Are you gonna put me in prison?”



“Son, I'm trying to get you out of prison.”



“Right, uhhh... thank you.”

“UMMMM, CAN I BEAT HIM WITH MY NIGHTSTICK NOW?”