My Randomest Health Tips Ever!

• You can make dishes less creamy by leaving out the cream, dumbass.

• Replace bad fats with good fats, or at least replace really terrible fats with bad fats.

• Stirring food too much prevents browning (a flavor booster), breaks food apart causing your meal to be mushy and can make your arm really, really tired.

• Write down everything you eat as well as everything you don't eat.

• Going up a zip line is a much better workout than just going down it. C'mon, lazy-bones!

• Daily affirmations can help make you believe things you may not currently believe; here's an example: "I believe daily affirmations can make me believe things I may not currently believe."

• If your bowel movement appears to be shaped like a question mark, maybe you're looking at your poo too much.

• A good way to lose weight is to send $5 to your worst enemy every time you show a gain on the scale (email me for my address).