Healthy-Healthy Health Tips (for Your Health!)

• When opening a can of whoop-ass, make sure and choose a whoop-ass that's low in fat, sugar and sodium.

• You can make greek yogurt have fewer calories by not using a Snickers bar as a spoon to eat it.

• To make pizza healthier, try eating something else.

• When you’re at a restaurant, remember this little rhyme: “If you order the entire menu, I’m going to  unfriend you.”

• Instead of squandering a lot of money of a fancy, store-bought enema, why not just stay constipated forever? Oh, because you’ll die. Good answer, good answer….

• Instead of eating birthday cake, try eating just a slice of birthday cake.

• A healthy afternoon snack is a hamper full of nuts. They provide… what? A handful? Are you kidding me?

• An easy way to improve your posture is to stand up straight, dumbass.

• If you're at a party where they have one of those chocolate fountains, it's a good idea not to do what you're thinking about doing right this second.

• Eat twice as often, eat half as much and chew twice as long. Or eat half as often, twice as much and… oh, forget it; YOU NEVER LISTEN TO A WORD I BLOG.