Donut Try This at Home!

Scene: A break-room in a corporate office. It´s early, and employees are just starting to trickle in to begin their busy workday. Suddenly, a shrill, high-pitched shriek cuts through the early morning hustle and bustle. 

Janice from Accounting: What´s the matter? I heard a little girl scream.

Jack:  Ummmm… that was me.

Janice from Accounting: You?

Jack: Somebody brought a big box of donuts.

Janice from Accounting: So?

Jack: There´re still warm. See? Feel ‘em.

Janice from Accounting: How many have you touched?

Jack: Ummm… how many did you see me touch?

Janice from Accounting: What´s the big deal with donuts?

Jack: Think about it: they´re nothing more than refined sugar and flour, artificial flavors and partially hydrogenated oil that’s loaded with trans fats. They have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Janice from Accounting: They make me happy!

Jack: They´re evil… and this appears to be a job… FOR THE AMAZING DIETER-MAN!

Janice from Accounting: You can´t change clothes in the break-room, Jack!

Jack: No time to argue right now! I need to… crap! I thought I was wearing my Amazing Dieter-Man pants underneath my slacks…

Janice from Accounting: What are you supposed to be anyway?

Jack:  I´ll tell you, Janice from Accounting!

(singing) Dieter-Man, Dieter-Man

Eats whatever´s on his dieter plan
.
Prepares a meal, real low-cal.

He is really losing it, pal.

Cook Out!

Here comes the Dieter-Man.

Is he committed?

It´s no jive.

He’s got radioactive drive.

Can he jog on the road?

He´s in super-exercise mode.

Hey, there

There goes the Dieter-Man.

During the course of the day,

He shows grit and determination.

He avoids the buffet.

He can fight off any temptation.

Dieter-Man, Dieter-Man

Hungry neighborhood Dieter-Man.

Cake and pie,
He’s ignored.

Losses are his great reward.

He leaves food on his plate, boss.

Whenever there´s a weight loss,

You’ll find the Dieter-Man.

Stupid Skinny Intern: Why´s that guy standing on the table? What´s wrong with him?

Janice from Accounting: I don´t know where to start…

Stupid Skinny Intern: Donuts? Cool!