This one is for the folks with the expandin’ waist.
Muffin top, always seem to be feedin’ yo face.
When you eat out ya appetite always beats ya,
Call on the way home and order a pizza.
And ya ill, for real, weight an ordeal.
You chowin’ down now like it’s your last meal.
You’re a chunk, a lunk, livin’ in a funk.
Tellin’ everybody that yo shirt must’ve shrunk.
You a super-sizin’ dip, dip, exercise you skip, skip,
Mayo on your lip, lip, pants won’t zip, zip.
That’s the kind of life you been livin’ now,
And yes you can change if you just know how.
I said, excuse me, but I think it’s your time,
Cuz this right here’s not a victimless crime.
I mean that when I’m about done with this rhyme,
I’m hoping you’ll be primed to start on this climb, oh…
Yes I did, yes I did.
Oh, I forgot to tell you who the eff I is.
My name’s Jackie Sh*t, I’m trying to get fit.
Kind of a nitwit, but never gonna quit.
Yes, I hung out at the buffet,
But now I’m changing the way that I weigh.
Can’t you read myblog ba blog blog,
Blog, bablog, blog blog.
I got a slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog
Yeah that’s that slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog,
I got that slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog,
Yeah that’s that slimmer ass.
This one is for the folks who’re getting’ healthy.
Who’re gettin’ they workout clothes all filthy.
You eatin’ like you should, eatin’ a salad.
Crap I gotta rap it, but my point’s still valid.
Now I think I like you better with the fat pants gone.
You ain’t ever gonna have to put ‘em back on.
You just gotta give it a try, when you give it a try,
Then the pounds comin’ off, off, unh.
Excuse me, but who wants to be wide?
You know I had a thing for food that’s all fried.
I mean, sigh, it’s time to decide
Is it time to get in touch with your fit-finding side, oh.
Yes I did, yes I did,
I hope you’ll please remember who the eff I is.
My name’s Jackie Sh*t, I’m trying to get fit.
Kind of a nitwit, but never gonna quit.
So let’s get your heart rate risin’ today.
Another great weigh-in’s comin’ your way.
Can’t you read that blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog slimmer ass?
You got that slimmer ass
Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog
Yeah that’s that slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog,
I got that slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog,
Yeah that’s that slimmer ass.
See I need good habits to stay,
No, no, no, no, no junk food today
No, no, no, no, no more buffet.
Now, I got my heart rate up near its peak.
Finally doin’ something about my physique.
Read about it on my blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog
Can’t you read my blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog?
See, I got a weigh-in comin’ today.
Beating last week, whittlin’ my fat ass away.
Can’t you read my blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog?
I got that slimmer ass. Blog, bablog, blog
Blog, bablog, blog ass.
Yeah that’s that slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog Blog, bablog, blog,
I got that slimmer ass.
Blog, bablog, blog Blog, bablog, blog,
Yeah that’s that slimmer ass.
THE DAILY SCALEY
What do you mean you're not impressed?
I LOST ALMOST A POUND IN JUST ONE DAY, DUMBASS!
I LOST ALMOST A POUND IN JUST ONE DAY, DUMBASS!
Awesome!
ReplyDeleteDammit! Was going for "Extra Awesome"
DeleteCLASSIC JACK! :)
ReplyDeleteWell, "New Jack" wasn't selling...
DeleteJack, I just love you...keep doing what your doing and makin me laugh!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tina. You made my day (don't get a big head; my day has been kinda sucky).
DeleteNever heard of Nicki Minaj before today. Thanks for showin' the cool music video. Don't care how much you weigh. Don't care if you lose or gain. But. You're an interesting dude. Very creative. Not sure if your message is helpful, though, 'cause it seems more like dissin' on the fatz with the aim of motivating through shame. Still. You have artistic talent (buried in hyperbole and anti-fat rhetoric, but...) :) Peace and love to you brother.
ReplyDeleteI don't think of it as shaming or fat-hating; I see it more as a more light-hearted approach to what (for most of us) is a long and tiresome journey. If people want just the facts, ma'am, I list plenty of blogging buddies who are excellent resources for that. What I try to deliver, for myself and anyone else who happens across this site, is a moment's respite from the day-to-day struggles that many of us face and help keep a focus on healthy living. No, I don't throw strikes every day, but even my wild pitches help me stay focused on what I'm trying to do. Thanks for the comment and peace and love back atcha.
Delete**laughing too hard to comment**
ReplyDeleteI hate nicki minaj. So anything you can do will only be an improvement. I do care what you weigh because I know that you care. Keep up the great work Jack. BTW..Great weigh in.
ReplyDeleteThanks, C. I really do appreciate all the support you've shown. I know YOU know that it makes a big difference.
DeleteI loved this! You totally rock. :-)
ReplyDeletethis is the BEST!!! and so motivating. Thank you! :)
ReplyDelete