Jack Sh*ttiday & the Fatpants Kid

Kid: Dammit! I’m hungry!

Jack: Well, the way I figure it, we can either diet or give. If we give, we go back to being obese.

Kid: I’ve been there already.

Jack: But if we diet, we may get starved out. Or we’ll get too weak to work out. Might even get malnourished and get sick. What else can happen?

Kid: We could eat what we want and lose weight, but I wouldn’t count on that.

Jack: Kid, the next time I say let’s go someplace like Weight Watchers, let’s go someplace like Weight Watchers.

Kid: Next time. (pause) Ready for lunch?

Jack: No, we’ll exercise…

Kid: Like hell we will.

Jack: No, it’ll be okay. If we don’t try to bench press too much and get squished to death. It’ll build muscle and help burn fat faster.

Kid: How do you know?

Jack: Would you work out if you didn’t have to?

Kid: I have to and I’m not gonna.

Jack: Well, we got to, otherwise we’re not ever gonna lose these extra pounds. Come on…

Kid: Just one donut, that’s all I want.

Jack: Come on.

Kid: Uh uh

Jack: We got to!

Kid: Nope! Get away from me!

Jack: Why?

Kid: I don’t wanna go!

Jack: You wanna diet?

Kid: Do you?

Jack: Alright. I’ll work out first.

Kid: Nope.

Jack: Then you work out first.

Kid: No, I said.

Jack: What’s the matter with you?

Kid: I CAN’T SWIM!

Jack: Bwhahahahahahahaha. Why, you crazy! The gym doesn’t even have a pool, dumbass!