Prelude – “I Am Going to Italy!”

When it was decided that my wife Anita and I would be traveling to Italy to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, the first thing I did was take a trip across town to visit the old Italian neighbor I lived next-door to while growing up.

Way back, he had told me that when I was ready, he would teach me the Italian language. Hesitantly, I walked up to his place.

“Mister Miyagi,” I called. “Good news! I’m going to Italy!”

“Then let our training begin,” he smiled. “Take this rag and follow me.”

“What does a rag have to do with…”

“SILENCE!” Mr. Miyagi demanded. “If you want me to teach you Italian, you must do everything I tell you and obey without question.”

“Okey-dokey,” I sighed, not sure exactly what I was getting into.

“Now rub this car in tiny circles and repeat after me, ‘La cera sopra, incera fuori.’”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Wax on, wax off.”

“Hey, waitaminute…,” I frowned. “This is from…”

“SILENZIO!”

“What’s that mean?”

“SILENCE!”

“Lemme guess,” I sighed. “After I finish washing and waxing your car, you’re gonna tell me you have a whole bunch of other cars.”

“Where are we right now, Jack?”

“At your Hyundai dealership,” I sighed.

“La cera sopra, incera fuori!” he barked.

“la cera sopra, incera fuori,” I repeated, rubbing the side of the car with the rag while rolling my eyes..

This story isn’t true, but the rest of the accounts of my two-week journey to Italy are 99.4% truthful. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) I don’t have to make up anything else in order to make this an adventure of epic proportions.

“Man who eat minestrone soup 

with chopsticks accomplish anything.”