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Monday, September 19, 2011

Things I Hope Are Heard At My Funeral

• “I don’t know what’s more surprising, that he was the world’s oldest man or that he broke the record by so many years.”

• “Damn, that is one fit corpse!”

• “Look, he’s moving. JACK’S NOT REALLY DEAD!”

• “I really regret lending Mr. Sh*t all that money now…”

• “See those jeans he’s being buried in? 32 inch waist!”

• “Did you see his last Facebook status? All it said was “Somebody’s having party with bright white light and a bunch of angels singing. I’m gonna go bitch them out!”

• “Twitter is having an ‘140-character’ moment of silence in honor of Jack.”

• “I guess Brad Pitt’s here because he played Jack in the movie.”

• “I’m just glad we ironed out the cloning process before he kicked the bucket.”

• “Damn… I miss his blog already.”
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6 comments:

  1. JoannaSeptember 19, 2011 at 5:51 AM

    Love it!! Only you can make me laugh reading a post about a funeral!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. TimSeptember 19, 2011 at 6:15 AM

    R I P - Really Inspirational Poster ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anne HSeptember 19, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    Jack Sh*t -
    Putting the FUN in funerals again!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pamela M. Kramer - A Renaissance WomanSeptember 19, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    Hilarious! Thank you for the Monday giggle.

    ReplyDelete
  5. JoseSeptember 19, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    Too funny! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mandy HartSeptember 19, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    Yes, better to create years of material and schedule it to post posthumously. Or, better yet, just don't die, k?

    To many more years and many more posts from JackFit!

    ReplyDelete