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Thursday, September 1, 2011

Son of Weight-Loss Tips

• One way to tell if lettuce isn't fresh is to check the color; if it's black, it's no longer fresh.

• You can make your own rowing machine with two long poles and a rowboat.

• Drink margarinemilk instead of buttermilk.

• Making low-carb "toast" is simple; just replace the slice of bread with something that's not bread.

• Like to eat when you're stressed out? Next time, try having an uncontrollable crying fit instead.

• If you're invited to a wedding, make a note when you RSVP that you'd appreciate them not serving cake because you're on a diet.

• Can't afford fresh fruit? Try dressing up like a gorilla and getting captured  by a local zoo.

• If all the others runners in the marathon are wearing leather chaps and feathers, you may have accidentally stumbled into a "Gay Pride" parade.

• Tipping your personal trainer with a counterfeit $100 bill will ensure that your next session will be extra-intensive.


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7 comments:

  1. DebSeptember 1, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    There are some good tips here - for example, I think I will stop eating black lettuce; I thought the rule was that the darker the color, the more antioxidants were present . . . and the slimy . . .er, slippery [?] texture meant I needed less dressing. But I guess it tasted terrible because, in fact, it was past its prime. So thanks for that . . . Still, my favorite tip is this one:

    "If all the others runners in the marathon are wearing leather chaps and feathers, you may have accidentally stumbled into a "Gay Pride" parade."

    Good to keep in mind . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. WWSuziSeptember 1, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    So where can I rent a gorilla suit?? :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. CamevilSeptember 1, 2011 at 10:28 AM

    For the record, swishing at a gay pride parade burns calories and strengthens the core.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Losing it in VegasSeptember 1, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    For some reason I read margarinemilk as margaritamilk. I was gonna look for a recipe!

    ReplyDelete
  5. TimSeptember 1, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    I couldn't find a rowboat with two poles. I found a rowboat with two germans though.

    You can have that one for free.

    I'm available for birthdays, weddings, childrens parties and bar mitzvahs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anne HSeptember 1, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    Or mix them up - a gorilla suit AND a Gay Pride marathon!
    Hold the toast! ;D

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousNovember 7, 2011 at 8:37 PM

    Thanks for sharing the weight loss tips, it's really useful. weight loss is not easy but with the help of balance diet and regular exercise it will possible.
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    ReplyDelete