The Devil & Jack Sh*t

The Devil came up to Jack Sh*t, he was looking for a deal to do,
He was a bit irate ‘cos he’d gained some weight, and was looking to lose a few.
When he came across this young man writin’ on a blog and actin’ a fool.
And the devil jumped up in his grill and challenged him to a duel.
“I bet you didn't know it, but I write a weight loss blog as well.
Don’t like to boast about my posts, but it’s the best damn blog in Hell.
Now you’ve lost a good bit of weight, son, but give the devil his due:

I bet a scale of gold against your soul, ‘cos I think I can lose more than you.”

The boy said “My name’s Jackie, and you may think you’re frightenin’,
But c’mon, Satan, there’s no use waitin’, I’ll kick your ass at dietin’!”

Jackie, lace your shoes up tight and work out with all you got,
‘Cos Hell’s broke loose this summer and it’s getting’ kinda hot.
A good weigh-in and you’ll get this bright new golden scale.
But if you gain, your soul gets shipped to Hell.



The devil started out his week by gettin’ sweaty as a yeti.
But then went home and downed three big ol’ platefuls of spaghetti.
He lifted weights for a while but got bored with all that stuff.
He meant to eat some yogurt but wound up with a cream puff.

When the devil finished, Jackie said, “That’s all you got?
If you think that’ll do the trick, then you don’t know Jack… ummmm… squat.” 



Five miles ‘round the track, run Jack, run.
Don’t forget to stretch some when you’re done.
Salad on your lunch plate, pickin’ lite dressin’
Then back to the gym for more bench-pressin’.


The devil climbed up on the scale but showed a pound-and-one-half gain.
He realized at last that his diet challenge had been in vain.

Johnny said: "Devil just come on back if you wanna hear me scoff.
I’ll take your golden scale now… hey, this damn thing’s one pound off!”



And he ran five more miles on the track, run, Jack, run.

Don’t forget to stretch some when you’re done.
Take this journey up one more level.
Nobody gonna stop you, not even the Devil.