How to Turn Your Office Into a Health Nirvana

• Replace your office chair with a gigantic wasp nest.

• Instead of just walking around with just one file, push an entire file cabinet around.

• Replace the coffee with decaffeinated coffee, and when your co-workers get used to decaffeinated coffee, replace that with dirty dishwasher.

• Do kegels during the staff meeting, but leave off the cream cheese.

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator… no wait… throw a grappling hook up onto the ceiling and climb up the side of the building.

• Don’t carry loose change so there’s no way for you to get items from the vending machine except for shaking it violently.

• Staying hydrated is very important, so always keep a drawer full of water balloons at the ready.

• Start using peddle-powered computer.

• Begin every business meeting with a handshake and a dozen lunges.

• Try to have a least one nervous fit per hour.

• Run in your company’s 401K program.

• Wear dress sweatpants.

• You can turn your cubicle into the ultimate workout facility by getting rid of all the work stuff and replacing it all with cool workout stuff.

• Do arm curls with your telephone receiver during phone calls.

• Quit your job and start working as a healthy living blogger (make sure you're independently wealthy first).