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Friday, March 25, 2011

Sh*tty Weigh-in



Sh*tty weigh-in, my scale’s a dirty whore
.
Sh*tty weigh-in, the kind I like to ignore
.
Sh*tty weigh-in

I don't believe you,
How could it be
?
A five-pound gain in just one week…

Mercy

...

Sh*tty weigh-in,
Why do you torture me?

Sh*tty weigh-in,
Sting me like a bee
.
Sh*tty weigh-in.

I’d like to drop you in the sea.
Run you over in a Humvee.

Wow...



Sh*tty weigh-in, stop crapping on me
.
Sh*tty weigh-in, stop bitchslapping me,

Sh*tty weigh-in, can’t you give a break to me?

 Sh*tty weigh-in, blah blah blah
.
Sh*tty weigh-in, too much pasta
.
Sh*tty weigh-in, give a good weigh to me
.
Cause I need you, don’t show me scorn
.
Come on now baby, do right this morn.

Sh*tty weigh-in,
Just a fat-ass guy.

Sh*tty weigh-in,
Don’t make me cry
.
Sh*tty weigh-in,
I'll look away, hey...okay
.
If that's the way it must be, okay.

I guess I'll start again Monday
.
I’ll put it all together some day.

Wait…what do I see
?
A weight loss there for me?

Pardon me while I shout “Yipee!”

Oh, oh, pretty weigh-in!


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9 comments:

  1. Ginger FarnsworthMarch 25, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    ROFL! What a way to start a Friday. And now that tune with your lyrics is stuck in my head on a loop! Just getting started and already you've made my day!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Miss ErikaMarch 25, 2011 at 7:53 AM

    "Shitty weigh-in, stop bitchslapping me" is qutie possibly one of the best lines ever written. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ConnieMarch 25, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    LOL!! I'm going to be singing this all day!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    Well, I had a good weigh in today. Down 1 pound. I was feeling great. Then I went to put my pants on and heard a "riiiippp." Still don't know where they ripped at and didn't have any other work pants... Hoping there are no holes = )

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    Although you are allowed to write them, my singing talents are not appreciated in my home. The nerve of some people!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. arielcircleofnineMarch 25, 2011 at 2:00 PM

    excellent ideas---> I’d like to drop you in the sea. Run you over in a Humvee. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  7. EllieMarch 25, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    I think that this just may be my monday morning weigh in theme song.

    ReplyDelete
  8. RozMarch 25, 2011 at 4:00 PM

    OMG...hilarious. Jack, you need to publish all these posts in a book! It would be a bestseller.

    ReplyDelete
  9. KirstenMarch 25, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    Once again, you are a rockstar of awesomeness. You go guy.

    ReplyDelete