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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Even More Famous Movie Lines, Jack Sh*t-Style

• “Lawzy, we gots to have a dietitian. I don't know nothin’ ‘bout countin’ no calories!”

• “Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel loses a pound.”

• “I'll be back… after my workout!”


• “My momma always said, bloggers was like a box of chocolates–all different kinds and most full of nuts.”


• “Well, I believe in the diet, the blog, the push-up, that muscle at the small of a woman's back, high fiber, plenty of water, that these lists by Jack Sh*t are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Jack LeLanne was a fitness pioneer. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing High Fructose Corn Syrup and the McDonald’s Happy Meal. I believe in the sweat spot, low-fat salad dressing, doing your weigh-in once a week rather than every day and I believe in long, slow, deep, hard, workouts that last three hours.”


• “You're gonna need a smaller butt.”

• “I'll make him an sandwich he can't refuse.”

• “Soylent Green is people… but it’s low-fat and gluten-free.”

• “The first rule of Bite Club is - you do not blog about Bite Club. The second rule of Bite Club is - you DO NOT eat Chinese food the day before a weigh-in.”

 •  “When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, my weigh-in sucks.”


• “Yo, Adrian. Let’s just grab a salad tonight.”


• “You're a lean, mean, dieting machine!”


• “I wish I knew how to quit juice.”


• “I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to eat this anymore.”


• “They call me Mister Tibbs and I no longer drink Mister Pibbs.” (Wait… do they still make Mister Pibbs? What about Tab?)


• “Houston, we have weight problem.”


• “Shaken, not stirred… on second thought,  I’ll have a Mango Bobango Smoothie with a vitamin boost.”


• “On my signal, unleash hell… on the treadmill!”

• “I see fat people.”


• “I am going to chop this piece of tilapia up into 42 pieces.”


• “Gluttony, definitely my favorite sin.”


• “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful weight-loss journey.”


20 comments:

  1. I'm afraid I can't eat that, Dave!
    :D

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  2. *lol* Yes, Mr. Pibb is still around. Somewhere.

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  3. I wrote a post once, Houston, we have a tri-cep. I was pretty pleased with my punnyness. How do you come up with these things, daily?

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  4. “My momma always said, bloggers was like a box of chocolates–all different kinds and most full of nuts.”


    by far my favorite quote ever!

    Brilliant Jack ;-)

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  5. thanks for the giggle this morning!

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  6. bahahahaha!
    Thanks Jack... you rock my funny bone.
    "We're gonna need a smaller butt."
    hah!

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. "I see fat people."

    What I think everyday when I look in the mirror.

    Then I think, "We're gonna need a smaller butt."

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  9. And before you eat that donut, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, Chunk?”

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  10. Thank you kindly for following my blog, I hop I don't bore you too badly. MUCH appreciated.

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  11. These are terrific!

    Hope Anita is doing well.

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  12. Thanks for the chuckles, as per the usual and yep they do make Mr. Pibb and TAB! I like going to the grocery store and checking out the store-names for well known sodas. My fave being "Mountain Thunder"--- what my thighs will be should I choose to embibe! :-D

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  13. I want to become an angel and start hanging out in school yards.

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  14. I loved The Devil's Advocate. Isn't vanity his favorite sin in the movie? Keanu Reeves is just hott!

    This was too funny! Good job!

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  15. You're gonna need a smaller butt...you should email that to carlos...lol. I am totally stealing that one.
    love it.

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  16. These's are great! "You're gonna need a smaller butt" ahaha

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  17. Good oint. What did happen to TAB? And yes, I am gonna need a smaller butt.

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  18. "Soylent Green is people - but it's low-fat and gluten-free" - cracked me up! Gotta hit the net and see if I can find a copy of that old movie - it's a classic.

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