Ways I’ve Welcomed New Folks to the Gym

• “Excuse me, but that’s the treadmill you have to run on backwards.”
   
• “I wouldn't bother with a locker; just let me hang on to your valuables.”
   
• “Wow! Is that all the weight you’re gonna put on there?”
  
  
  
• “You should warm up for at least 5 seconds before running as fast as you can.”
  
  
• “Can you spot me… five bucks?”
  
  
• “Your gym nickname is ‘Candy-Ass’”.
  
  
• “This is the best elliptical; I’ll let you have it for $5.”
  
  
• “Have you noticed that my muscles are bumpier than yours?”
  
  
• “The easiest personal trainer? That’d probably be Frances other there, the short-haired chick with all the prison tattoos.”
  
  
• “It’s good to start off with way more than you can lift and go from there.”
  
  
• “Thong Thursday is pretty much mandatory around here.”
  
  
• “C’mon... I’ll sit in your lap and we can do the rowing machine together.”
  
  
• “Just do what I do… and don’t forget to yodel.”
  
  
• “I can only do 500 chin-ups. How about you?”
  
  
• “Here… I wiped the sweaty sweat off the machine with my sweaty towel.”
  
  
• “Here,  I’ll poke you in the stomach while you do ab crunches.”
  
  
• “Spinning class? Oh, everyone just spins around and around until they get really dizzy and fall down.”
  
  
• “I usually lose ten to fifteen pounds per workout.”