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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How to Kill a Craving

• They say that increasing your protein intake can take the edge off your hunger, so try eating a yak.
 
• Remove temptations such as every lick of food in your house.

• Replace sweets and sugar with fruit, and then replace the fruit with imaginary fruit.

• Improve your diet overall, and while you’re at it, why don't you go ahead and get a better job and move into a nicer house?
 
• If you have a sweet tooth, see your dentist about having it removed.

• Remember this old saying: “Eat better foods, and better foods will eat you.” Waitaminute… that’s stupid. And now you've probably have already remembered it!

• Standing in front of a mirror and reciting positive affirmations is a good way of cracking yourself up and – at least for a moment – forgeting about your overwhelming hunger pangs.

• Drink a big glass of water, then a bigger glass of water and then an even bigger glass of water.

• Find your motivation. What that means is pretend you’re an actor or actress playing yourself in a movie and the script calls for you not to have a craving. Now ready, and… ACTION!

• Recognize “trigger” foods and shoot anyone who brings them into your home with a “gun”.
 
• Reward yourself every time you say “no” to your cravings by giving yourself $1,000.
 
• Keeping busy can help you overcome temptation – so why don't you come over and clean up my house?

• Spray a can of Raid® Ant & Roach Killer all over that batch of delicious cupcakes.

• A trained hypnotist can assist you into making positive subconscious thoughts and help subdue cravings; but keep in mind that he can also make you hop on one foot and cluck like a chicken.

• Print out this list, wad it up and eat it.

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19 comments:

  1. Anne HJanuary 26, 2011 at 6:40 AM

    I've tried alot of these -
    but what about combining them and doing them all at once?
    Clucking like a chicken with a can of Raid!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmyJanuary 26, 2011 at 6:44 AM

    LOL...Love it! My favorite, the trigger food one!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Michele @ Healthy CultivationsJanuary 26, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    Roach spray on cupcakes! That works... recently, I've employed vinegar and pepper into the peanut butter. Can't stay out of the peanut butter!

    ReplyDelete
  4. MistyJanuary 26, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    Now this could stop a craving "Reward yourself every time you say “no” to your cravings by giving yourself $1,000."

    so yea you should probably send me at least $50,000 just to start off so that I can take care of those pesky cravings ...dont worry you can send more later

    ReplyDelete
  5. Molly MarieJanuary 26, 2011 at 8:18 AM

    "Replace sweets and sugar with fruit, and then replace the fruit with imaginary fruit."

    Made my morning! haha thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    LOL! Raid on the cupcakes!! I usually just toss them in the compost when the Teens aren't looking...and then blame it on Dad or the dog.

    ReplyDelete
  7. HeatherJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Love the trigger foods solution! Thx for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kelly the Happy TexanJanuary 26, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    Ahhhhh! Poison cupcakes. Guess I should put a Mr Yuck sticker on them so the kids don't eat them.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Untypically JiaJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    Fourth down had me cracking up! This totally reminds me of a video series I watch, or at least the latest one: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1945787

    ReplyDelete
  10. The Incredible Shrinking WomanJanuary 26, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    Last night I walked by cakes at the grocery store 5 times. But I resisted temptation. So, when is my grand showing up?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dani- danielleislosingitJanuary 26, 2011 at 11:49 AM

    I have done every single on of these. I keep raid in my purse and spray it on everything I should not eat. Or at least I did before the lawsuit...I didn't that homeless guy would eat my trash!! sheesh.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Roxie Morrow January 26, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    I'll be back, I suddenly got a craving for JACK SH*T!!!!!!!!!! LOL
    Love this post, I was laughing my fool head off!
    Great blog by the way! I'm now a new follower!

    Roxie-Girl

    ReplyDelete
  13. ChristineJanuary 26, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    This made me laugh, and I need it. I ate four large sticks of celery last night I was so hungry. I hate celery.

    ReplyDelete
  14. PatrickJanuary 26, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    So for... Recognize “trigger” foods and shoot anyone who brings them into your home with a “gun”.

    If not a gun, what would you shoot them with? AH, a tazer, make them beg, "Don't Taze Me Bro!" and then taze them anyhow.

    ReplyDelete
  15. TMLfans.caJanuary 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    Too funny. I'll have to try the Raid on the cupcakes. Dunno whether I should tell my wife - before or after she eats them :) Cheers, Rick

    ReplyDelete
  16. JokerJanuary 26, 2011 at 2:34 PM

    I totally ate a yak for lunch. Mission accomplished.

    ReplyDelete
  17. arielcircleofnineJanuary 26, 2011 at 3:27 PM

    Spray a can of Raid® Ant & Roach Killer all over that batch of delicious cupcakes--what a visual, well, and smel-ual--I hate the smell of pesticides, and love cupcakes--I think you have found an effective way of canceling them out!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Tracy SimmonsJanuary 26, 2011 at 4:50 PM

    I love it! Your posts always make me smile :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. EllieJanuary 26, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    Haha! Great post, I laughed heartily. I always find those type of posts silly too.

    ReplyDelete