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Monday, October 25, 2010

Learn from My Mistakes…

  • For some reason, almost all overweight African-American women get upset when you call them “Precious”
  • Only one person to a treadmill at the gym
  • It doesn’t help to get salad dressing on the side if you get three cups of it and use it all
  • All your clothes didn’t suddenly shrink in the wash
  • Brushing your teeth with Dr. Pepper isn’t such a good idea
  • A caramel apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away
  • If you eat a meal replacement bar, you need to NOT eat a meal
  • There is no such thing as one bite of movie theater popcorn
  • Fun-size candy bars = No-fun-size thighs
  • A good running shoe can help you lose weight instantly… in your wallet
  • It’s not a good idea to skip breakfast… unless you’re planning on having a giant plate of s’mores
  • There is no place on the Emergency Room medical form to check off for “kettlebell knee”
  • Wheatgrass is a superfood; Laffy Taffy is not
  • Personal trainers generally don’t like to be paid with a bucket of loose change
  • Playing Bejeweled for eight hours is not the same as sleeping for eight hours
  • You’re probably supposed to eat 2,000 calories per day, not 20,000
  • Free samples aren’t necessarily free
  • Most employers don’t recognize a “Vitamin D break,” so I guess you need to take up smoking in order to get a little sunlight during the day
  • Even though it looks dorky, it’s probably better to use proper hand signals when biking than simply waving your arms around in all directions like a crazy person






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20 comments:

  1. AllanOctober 25, 2010 at 6:44 AM

    Precious ? Jack Fit finds out that young armed African American men do not like it when he insults their women. The bullet grazed his ass while running away, Film at 11... And they say I am nuts..

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  2. VeeOctober 25, 2010 at 6:57 AM

    "Free samples aren't necessarily free" ... I liked that one. It sure is right.

    Great as always, Jack.

    Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

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  3. LynOctober 25, 2010 at 8:49 AM

    Thanks for the morning smile Jack :)

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  4. BikiniMommyOctober 25, 2010 at 9:28 AM

    ahaha i'm obsessed with these lists you create :D I have done the "my jeans shrunk" routine before and I'll keep the fun-sized candy bar one in mind on Sunday ;)

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  5. UnknownOctober 25, 2010 at 9:35 AM

    I used to claim a "smoke break" so that I could go for a walk. I didn't smoke, but I didn't think it was fair all the smokers got breaks when I didn't.

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  6. AnonymousOctober 25, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    #1 is classic. So is the shrinking in the wash one. I line dry my jeans just so I can't use that excuse;)

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  7. arielcircleofnineOctober 25, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    Laffy Taffy ISNT a superfood!??? :-D and man, I really really want to ditch these No-Fun size thighs :-D

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  8. Mom to the Fourth PowerOctober 25, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    Giggles.... very classic!!
    ~Margene

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  9. SylOctober 25, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    Fun-size candy bars = No-fun-size thighs
    we must all remember this with the up coming insanity of the worst holiday of the year - HALLOWEEN ;-)

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  10. 'DreaOctober 25, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    OMG, I couldn't really concentrate after the first one... Funny.

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  11. LeeOctober 25, 2010 at 12:14 PM

    Only one person to a treadmill at the gym...but at home...?

    Thanks for the laugh.

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  12. InWeighOverMyHeadOctober 25, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    •For some reason, almost all overweight African-American women get upset when you call them “Precious”

    OMGOSH!!!!!!!! Too funny.

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  13. TimOctober 25, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    I nearly died on my Weight Watchers cookie reading those. Brilliant!

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  14. wildfluffysheepOctober 25, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    I need to learn my own mistakes lol. don't be adding yours!

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  15. Leaving FatvilleOctober 25, 2010 at 2:40 PM

    • Clothes only shrink in the wash when your HUSBAND does the laundry.

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  16. Rob DyessOctober 25, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    I think that a piece of meal replacement bar just came out my nose!

    Thanks Jack!!

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  17. BrittanyOctober 25, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    This was awesome, Great post!

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  18. DebOctober 25, 2010 at 9:29 PM

    Sign me up for the breakfast smores and the candied-apple-a-day, thanks! :-)

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  19. ElizabethOctober 25, 2010 at 10:37 PM

    All true ... especially losing weight via the running shoe dept.

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  20. screwdestinyOctober 28, 2010 at 8:48 PM

    "Most employers don’t recognize a “Vitamin D break,” so I guess you need to take up smoking in order to get a little sunlight during the day"

    LOL! I tell my employer that I need a snack break, 'cause eating once in an eight hour period does not cut it for me. Since they let people have breaks to slowly kill themselves, they let me have one to keep my metabolism up. :)

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