Staying on a Diet in a Restaurant

• Use the basket of bread to build a beautiful but impenetrable bread fort.

• Order a glass of diet wine.
  
  
• Try eating your soup with chopsticks.
  
  
• Ask if you can be served by a less overweight waitress.
  
  
• Whenever you go to an all-you-can-eat restaurant, try to remember not to eat all you can eat.
  
  
• Ask for a to-go box so you can take your leftover gristle home for later.
  
  
• Instead of a rich, creamy soup opt for a poor, filmy one.
  
  
• Run a lap around the table after every bite.
  
  
• Order your salad with 100 Island dressing.
  
  
• Imagine underpaid cooks spitting on your entree, then realize that… hey… that's no joke.
  
  
• Bring your own Barbie plate to eat off of.
  
  
• Instead of mashed potatoes, why not try an order of mashed nothing?
  
  
• For exercise, shake your leg continuously until your dinner date drives a fork into your forehead.
  
  
• A glass of dishwater will keep you from being so hungry before you order.
  
  
• Ordering a child's portion for yourself will still give you plenty of food, plus give the waiter a good opportunity to laugh right in your face.
  
  
• While your friends are laughing and having their pizza and beer, go key up their cars in the parking lot.
  
  
• There’s nothing stopping you from heading back to the kitchen to let the chef know exactly how you want your meal prepared… at least not until the police show up.