Weekly weigh-in: 209.9Loss: +3.8
Total loss: -82.1
Emotion: Out of my head
Hey fatties,
Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Bad Wayne. Every time Jack has a bad weigh-in, he runs and hides like a little bitch and let’s me run the show. Seems that some rampant snacking, a couple of restaurant outings and a few too many beers and glasses of wine caught up with his stupid ass.
Just so you know, Jack, I’m the one that picked up those cashew-almond squares at Costco, the one who wanted to have some more of that delicious bread at that fancy Italian restaurant. I’m the one who convinced you that those grocery store cheese samples were calorie-free. Hell, I talked you into having a Diet Coke at the movies last weekend. I am on a roll…
It’s Bad Wayne time!
You thought you’d run me off for good, but what you don’t understand is that I know how this sh*t works. I know how hard it is to make good choices all the time. How difficult it is to go to a fantastic restaurant and lay off the good stuff.
You thought I was exiled for good, but I’m just biding my time. My patience is limitless, and it doesn’t take much to get me back on the path to sitting in the driver’s seat.
You want to stay on the straight and narrow.
Me? I want to take a walk on the wildside!
My name is Bad Wayne, and you definitely haven’t seen the last of me!
I have a bad Pixie. I shut the bitch up with chocolate and potato chips and the slut repays me by packing pounds on MY ass. Maybe we should hook her up with Wayne and then they'd leave both of us alone!
ReplyDeleteI know ... Pixie and Wayne can run away with my Daisie (she's a good ol' southern girl who loves her cheese covered gravy drowned fried everything) ...
ReplyDeletePLEASE let them all run away together!!!
I have a Waynetta. She is a complete cow! She's been whining at me for a while now, but I have fitted a new bolt to the cupboard I keep her in. She is banging on that door and making heck of a noise but she is staying there...although yesterday she had an outing. I allowed her to come along to a festival we attended and at lunch time what food choices were there? Burgers, burgers and more burgers..or fried Chinese stuff, or fish and chips. We steered her to a place that sold baguettes and paninis, and I got a ham and onion panini..but Waynetta insisted I put cheese on it. She is a witch...no, I mean a bitch. Double padlock on that door now.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it... squash Waybe once and for all!!!
ReplyDeleteIgnore Wayne and focus on "Total loss: -82.1" instead.
ReplyDeleteWe all have our evil side...we can control it, but we can't eliminate it...and sometimes the harder we try, the harder it does fight back.
ReplyDeleteMy bad wayne is more like lazy kyle...he just gets lacks...sure he may run 8 miles, but then follow it up with a double cheeseburger with pastrami on it and fries...true story...happened yesterday.
Punch Wayne in the face. Hard. Count it as cardio.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Jack!
ReplyDeleteEveryone has different parts of their weightloss journey that are very very difficult for them. Mine is getting started.
ReplyDeleteYour's appears to be getting to your 'happy number'. Tell Wayne he had his week and now the lifetime is yours. (And I love what LauraLynne said. Can't beat that!)
Well, at least now we know you're human ;) You've done SO well up to this point, you'll turn around soon I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteOoh, For me it's Fatty Natty, she's lazy and loves to eat! She came for a visit last week!
ReplyDeleteDamn Wayne, why do you have to be such a douche bag?
ReplyDeletehysterical!! well I have managed to keep bad wayne outta my life for a while....he almost told me that it was ok to order egg rolls and pot stickers for myself last week when I was alone. He whispers to me- "no one will see you! No one will know!" He is right, but I kinda like to breath when I put on my clothes these days. lol
ReplyDeleteHang in there Jack- Wayne is a tough guy to lose, but if you run real fast you can manage to escape him! :)
"F" Wayne! Kick his a** to the side of the road & pass him on up JS! I know you are going to anyway!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy 4th to you & get back to it either today or tomorrow or Bad Jody will come over there & kick your you know what! :-)
Lets hope that while enjoying the July 4th festivities, Bad Wayne wil mistakenly eat some fireworks in his food frenzy! Poof! Gone! Then tomorrow it'll be back to fit for Jack Sh*t!
ReplyDeleteWayne knows the party's over. He's going home to sleep off his hangover. He'll be real contrite for a while but he'll be back for another whirl. You'll never get rid of him but you can handle him.
ReplyDeleteBad Wayne is a complete jackass. Fight, fight, fight him!!!
ReplyDeleteJust plain old physics. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Waynes job is to keep things in check. Looks like he failed, being that you gained 3.8lbs but have lost 82.1.
ReplyDeleteGuess you are going to cause the earth to spin out of control by upsetting the laws of physics...way to go!
I have what I call my evil twins...but you know what? Instead of banishing them, fighting them, trying to eliminate them, I've found that nurturing them and helping them feel safe is infinitely easier, not to mention more effective. They're not so evil any more...they just needed some understanding...
ReplyDeleteAnother great post! Keep on rockin it!
ReplyDeleteDude, do I have a Dark Reinaldo. Yep, that's his name, "Dark Reinaldo". He sometimes binge and drink his ass off on weekends. He's a fun guy, though. But I need to fight him, it's almost like a Longcat Vs. Tacgnol fight. A lot of blood wil be spilled.
ReplyDeletewhere do you come up with this stuff?!
ReplyDeleteyou should be in marketing.
oh
wait
never mind :)
I knew someone was surreptitiously refilling my wine glass when I wasn't looking. It was Bad Wayne!!!!
ReplyDeleteI try to keep the wicked fluffy sheep locked away.
ReplyDeleteShe breaks free alot though.
Bah.
My return to weight loss and the blogging world and now I find out that it wasn't me telling the hubby to make me deep fried jalapeno poppers and mozzeral sticks! Good for me! It was however that vicious hussy that lives in my head and stores all her crap on my thighs and butt...we shall call her Pandora! For the fridge is an evil box!
ReplyDeleteAlright, that SUCKS.
ReplyDeleteSorry about Wayne's visit. Here's hoping he takes your eviction notice seriously!