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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

This is Your Fat Life

Jack Sh*t, this is your fat life.

All those recollections and rememberences that are as much a part of you as those love handles. Those memories of the times of your life when you felt even fatter than you were, if that’s even possible…

Remember when you transferred to a new school in 10th grade, and you visited your old classmates a year or so later. Some of your old pals laughed and commented that you’d “put on a belly.” Really. You hadn’t even noticed it until that point…

Remember when your aunt was visiting from out of town. You were in your early 20’s, and she commented that it looked as though you’d put on a few pounds. To prove you weren’t fat, you performed a pretty impressive cartwheel in the driveway. Not impressive in that it was such ideal form, but impressive in the sense that your pants split from your ass to your calf…

Remember the job interview you went on in your mid-20’s. It wasn’t a job you particularly wanted, so there really wasn’t any reason for you to be nervous. Yet five minutes into the interview, you started sweating like an out-of-control lawn sprinkler. You caught the bemused glances of the two gentlemen interviewing you and… well, not a shining memory…

Remember the first workout you did with a personal trainer. Your wife Anita got you a gift certificate for a present, and you put off making the appointment for weeks. You felt like the weakest slug that had ever even attempted to use exercise equipment. The next day, your arms were so sore that you almost ran into a tree in your yard because you couldn’t turn your car’s power steering…

Remember a couple of weeks ago, when you took your daughter Pisa and her pal to the children’s museum. You were sitting there trying to type something on your phone with your too-big fingers when you notice a guy that keeps looking over at you. You realized it was a buddy that you played basketball with regularly a couple of years ago and you call out to him. He shakes his head in wonder as he hurries over to shake your hand. He thought it might be you, but then told himself there was no possible way. “You look like a completely different person,” he smiled. “It’s unbelieveable!”

This is my fat life.

I’m here to make sure it has a happy ending.


18 comments:

  1. i hope someday someone looks at me and says "i can't believe it's you"!! it's a never-ending struggle, but we all strive for that happy ending! :) what a personal post this is, must have been a little hard to write

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  2. "It only ends once. Everything else is just progress." :)

    We must glance at our pasts, but not lose our focus into them!

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  3. You already have a happy ending but it is just going to get better!!!!! Thank you for sharing! I can relate to it but in my way.. although I had this horrible thing happen after I lost my weight & went back to visit friends I had not seen since I had moved from the East to CA. One of my friend's sister said to me, I see you are still fat & I had lost almost 4o pounds! That really took me back.. I was in high school so mentally, not good!

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  4. I love this. LOVE IT.

    (And Jack, the day after my first ever personal training session: I cried in the car all the way to and from the school run because it hurt my arms so much to drive. So I can totally relate.)

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  5. You know, I've never gone to a reunion. Well, I was never terribly popular, and I move around a lot, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I never got an invite. But yesterday I was looking up some of my old school mates on FB, and DAMN... I look better than they do now.

    This is my HEALTHY life...

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  6. Thank u and it will be my BIG FAT LIFe, too

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  7. I love this. I've been lucky enough to have a few good comments like that, and it's a fabulous feeling. I never ever want to go back to way I felt before. Never.

    Thanks for the reminder.

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  8. My husband and I have been living healthy for about two and a half years now. And we don't see his mom all that much. Last year, at Christmas (he's down 90+ pounds and I'm down about 85) we went to visit her. I knocked on the door and she opened it. Looked at me, looked at my husband (HER SON!) and her grandchild, blinked a few times, looked puzzled and said "Can I help you?"

    She literally DID NOT KNOW US.

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  9. Greta post! :) Happy ending and all! :)

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  10. I can't wait till someone does not recognize me! I just need to keep going!

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  11. Thanks Jack! For those of us just starting our journey, it's a great reminder and motivator of things to come. Can't wait for the day someone takes a double take when I walk by.

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  12. I clicked the link, per your tweet. Please don't eat a donut!

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  13. I think you need to retitle 'My Prior Fat Life'. :D

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  14. I sent a picture to my aunt last week and my uncle said "who is that?"

    I want to call that my happy ending but instead I'll just label is as a great chapter cause there is soooo much more!

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  15. I love reading your column dude. Nice ending to too much reality from the past. It all starts now.

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  16. What a great post. It's always nice when things have a happy ending.

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  17. You nearly made me cry with this post!

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