Doofus and Dieter

When I was a little sh*t, I was a voracious reader. I enjoyed reading so much that I even read Highlights magazine. The feature that I enjoyed the most in that particular publication was “Goofus and Gallant.”

In case you are unfamiliar, G&G was an illustrated story about two young lads, one of whom always acted right, and one that acted… well, like me. It was sappy stuff like “Gallant always puts up his laundry. Goofus eats crackers in bed”.

Goofus and Gallant may look pretty young, but it turns out that they’re actually older than Highlights magazine itself. The magazine's founder first used the two characters in the 1930’s to teach kids to develop their own personal code of conduct. Little known fact: when the feature began, G&G weren't even boys… they were elves with pointy little ears!

Goofus and Gallant are still around today, over sixty years from their first appearance in Highlights. They continue to show young readers that there are two ways to act in a situation—the Goofus way and the Gallant way.

Come to think of it, that’s the same way I approach this weight-loss journey of ours…

Doofus and Dieter

• Doofus orders a double cheeseburger and a Coke Zero. Dieter prepares his own dinner at home.
  
  
• Dieter works out at least three times a week. Doofus exercises his “party” muscle utilizing beer mug bicep curls.
  
  
• Doofus’ salad is 94% cheese and croutons. Dieter gets dressing on the side.
  
  
• Dieter takes the stairs at his office building. Doofus needs a piggyback ride to the elevator.
  
  
• Dieter likes to dress sharp in well-fitting clothes. Doofus wears sweat pants to church.
  
  
• Dieter likes being buff. Doofus likes being at the buffet.
  
  
• Dieter is consistently raising his exercise levels. Doofus is consistently raising his cholesterol levels.
  
  
• Dieter snacks on nuts. Doofus snacks on nutella.
  
  
• Dieter blogs about his weight-loss journey. Doofus spends all day playing online poker.
  
  
• Dieter belongs to WW. Doofus belongs to AA.
  
  
• Dieter owns the Jillian 30-Day Shred DVD. Doofus owns the Jillian 30-Dude Shred DVD.
  
  
• Dieter gets 8 hours of sleep each night. Doofus stays up til dawn watching infomercials.
  
  
• Dieter makes sure he gets five servings of vegetables. Doofus makes sure he gets five packets of ketchup.
  
  
• Dieter eats a balanced meal each morning. Doofus has movie-theater popcorn for breakfast.
  
  
• Dieter is training for a marathon. Doofus is training for a “Sanford & Son” marathon.

• Doofus starts a new diet every other Monday. Dieter just keeps on keeping on.