That's me on a 10 minute drive home. lol So drivers in Memphis are just as batsh*t crazy as they are here in Windsor? Of course *I" am PERFECT when I drive. haha
Keep the rubber side down and the shiny side up! Keep your fingers to yourself. ☺
So....once....as a child....it was customary for evangelical folk to point to the sky with their INDEX finger as a sign of "I am going to heaven...and so are you" sort of a thing. My Mom was driving along on some So Cal freeway or other..my brother and I tumbling wildly around in the "way" back of the wood paneled chevy station wagon..no seatbelts, of course.....it was early 1970s....and.....with shock and horror we see our mother roll down the window and FLIP SOMEONE OFF....quite vehemently. Yes.....well...she had some bumper sticker or other on our car that led the other driver to be inspired to hold up his INDEX finger to the sky....to wish my mother eternal life. She....not being familiar with that custom..misunderstood.
Oh...we LOVE telling that story to strangers....in her presence. Hee hee hee.
Today, as I was attempting to merge on the highway some jerkface from california decided to come to a dead stop in the MERGE LANE... In the MERGE LANE. It's a merge lane...not a "stop like an fing retard and nearly kill the five people behind you not dumb enough to mistake a merge lane for a YEILD SIGN YOU STUPID JACK*SS!" So, DEAD STOP...in the merge lane. Thank you for letting me vent. I would have flipped him the bird..but in my zeal to acknowledge my love for God I went and got one of those christian fish stickers...so I can't flip people off anymore. >:o(
Oh. Dear.
ReplyDeleteDo you want a walk through on these?
Shhhh. It's okay.
I am quite offended at being giving the "finger" during this entire post ;)
ReplyDeleteJerkwad is my favorite word :D
Watching Senor Bird was like looking in the mirror!
ReplyDeletePahahaa. I love these!
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I sound a bit like Senor Bird when I drive. :/
ReplyDeleteHahaha I don't even drive and I am like Senor Bird - it drives my husband mental!
ReplyDeleteOne last note, would you re-add my blog to your blog roll? It's not updating as it has moved server - many thanks!
Brilliant ... as usual.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need me to fill in if Bird is sick...I am that person.
ReplyDeleteI particularly liked the shots where you are drinking and blowing your nose. Jeff Dunham's got nothing on YOU!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! Love the Bird!
ReplyDeleteJack, when are you going to use the word Asshat? It is one of my favorites.
Also, who does your nails? They look great.
That's me on a 10 minute drive home. lol
ReplyDeleteSo drivers in Memphis are just as batsh*t crazy as they are here in Windsor?
Of course *I" am PERFECT when I drive. haha
Keep the rubber side down and the shiny side up! Keep your fingers to yourself. ☺
You have nice clean fingernails, Jack!
ReplyDelete*laughs*
ReplyDeleteMy problem when I drive is that everyone around me does not know how to drive...or use a blinker....or change a lane properly....
Sheesh...finally someone else who has the same problem....*S* Thanks Jack...I always knew I was more normal than the rest of them!!!
I used the bird the other day in the car....lol
ReplyDeleteDriving and parking make me bad tempered. I love my bicycle!
ReplyDeleteShakespeare.....what a genius!
ReplyDeleteHa, funny!
ReplyDeleteHave you been riding in my car with me? Hidden camera maybe?
ReplyDeleteBird should get a comedy special on HBO. Or something. :) Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteomg, have you been spying on me in my car?!!??!
ReplyDeleteHere in southern CA, well, have you been driving with me? Sounds like you copied my driving talk! :-)
ReplyDeleteSounds just like my ex-husband lol
ReplyDeletedid you pass me today??
ReplyDeleteI don't know where you come up with this sh*t, but it kills me.
ReplyDeleteThis post had me laughing SO HARD. Mainly because I say most of those things at least once during the day while driving.
ReplyDeleteAre those purple walls? Just wondering. :)
ReplyDeleteSo....once....as a child....it was customary for evangelical folk to point to the sky with their INDEX finger as a sign of "I am going to heaven...and so are you" sort of a thing. My Mom was driving along on some So Cal freeway or other..my brother and I tumbling wildly around in the "way" back of the wood paneled chevy station wagon..no seatbelts, of course.....it was early 1970s....and.....with shock and horror we see our mother roll down the window and FLIP SOMEONE OFF....quite vehemently. Yes.....well...she had some bumper sticker or other on our car that led the other driver to be inspired to hold up his INDEX finger to the sky....to wish my mother eternal life. She....not being familiar with that custom..misunderstood.
Oh...we LOVE telling that story to strangers....in her presence. Hee hee hee.
Two Words: KICK ASS!!!!
ReplyDeleteToday, as I was attempting to merge on the highway some jerkface from california decided to come to a dead stop in the MERGE LANE...
ReplyDeleteIn the MERGE LANE.
It's a merge lane...not a "stop like an fing retard and nearly kill the five people behind you not dumb enough to mistake a merge lane for a YEILD SIGN YOU STUPID JACK*SS!"
So, DEAD STOP...in the merge lane.
Thank you for letting me vent. I would have flipped him the bird..but in my zeal to acknowledge my love for God I went and got one of those christian fish stickers...so I can't flip people off anymore.
>:o(