Take It From Me...

• They say you can’t beat salmon, but you can if you have a good salmon-beater (mine came from Williams-Sonoma).
• Squirting that spray pancake batter in your mouth because the canister looks like whipped cream isn’t such a bright idea.
• Theoretically, running backwards on a treadmill ought to work a whole different set of muscles…
• There’s no healthy way to make s’mores.
• Before you give somebody the stink-eye for using the little scooters at the grocery store, it’s a good idea to make sure the person has legs.
• They no longer sell running shoes with soles made of Flubber®.
• Half-and-half is poorly named; it does not have half the calories of regular milk.
• If you like eating almonds as a snack, it is not cost-effective to buy a bunch of Almond Joy bars and pick the nuts out of the middle of them.
• I’m not saying scientists should stop working on a cure for cancer, but can’t a few of them work on solving thigh chaffing, too?
• If the weight you’re lifting doesn’t make you say something at least halfway naughty, it’s not heavy enough.
• If you weigh in in the nude, you should probably do it in the bathroomwith the door shut and not in the living room in front of your in-laws.
• 
If you can't afford a good pair of running shoes, just wrapping duct tape around your feet isn't really a suitable substitute.

• Salads are healthy but you can dillute their benefits by adding cheese, croutons or fudge.
• People will pipe up and say something when you lose a few pounds, but you could put on fifty without anyone saying a word. To you, at least.
• Most personal trainers dislike being paid in jars of change.
• Even if somebody agrees to be your workout buddy, he or she proably isn't going to appreciate the "Workout Buddies" t-shirts you had made.