Healthy Halloween “Treats”

• This Can’t Be Butterfingers

•  Kit-Kale bar

• Raisinots (Raisinets without the chocolate covering)

• No-candy corn

• Atomic Figballs

• Almond Joyless (just a bunch of raw almonds)

• Good & Not-So-Plenty

• Health bar

•  Skim Milky Way

•  1 Muskateer bar

•  Bit-O-Hominy

• Sugar-free Sugar Babies

• Caramel apple with the caramel scrapped off

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• Everfasting No-Snackers

Don't Punish Yourself... That's My Job!

Confush*t Say…

… person who think he can lose weight while drinking ocean of orange soda  living in a Fanta sea.

…person who wants to look like a stud muffin should lay off the cupcakes.

…person who eats too much guac and chips should increase their ava-cardio.

…person who eats lots of lettuce finds it easier to romaine in good shape.

…person often find they gain weight by snaccident.

…person who use low sodium soy sauce on his sushi wasabi with his lower salt intake.

…person who eat plenty of fresh fruit live to ripe old age. 

…person who likes ice cream finds a little goes a wrong weigh.

…person who gets in a little sweat find it good for the swole.

…person finally gets act together when they’re thick and tired of it all.

Confush*t recognizes the importance
of good health, but always believes you
should eat ice cream if it’s sherbet day.

Confush*t's motto:

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff

or stuff the cheesy puffs.

A Few Things That’ll Definitely Get You Kicked Out of a Weight Watchers Meeting

• Spend entire meeting making elaborate candy corn sculptures

• Take a knee during the singing of the Weight Watcher’s anthem

• Write everyone’s weight on their forehead with a Sharpie

• Wheel in a wagon filled with steaming hot taco meat

• Scream “I’M SO DAMN HUNGRY” every five minutes

• Wear pants made out of fruit leather

• Set a fire in your purse and roast marshmallows over it for s’mores

• Do a continuous series of backflips on the scale

• Continually ask leader “Who is your favorite blogger named ‘Jack’?”

More Ways to Tell If Your Lifestyle is Too Sedentary

• At the grocery store, do you simply bang your little motorized scooter cart into the shelves and buy whatever happens to fall into your basket?

• Did you buy a really tall chair to use with your standing desk?

• Is your biggest nightmare an “Out of Order – Please Take the Stairs” sign on an elevator?

• Do you hope that “karma” is a real thing because you’re too lazy to exact revenge on people who have wronged you?

• Is your office nickname "Sleepy"?

• Do you take a knee during playing of National Anthem not to protest anything but because standing up for two minutes is so exhausting?

• Is the thought of using a bedpan sounding pretty attractive?

• Did you get tired before you could get all the way through this blog post?

An Apple a Day...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

A fresh vegetable often will stave off the coffin.

A kumquat a week will improve your physique.

A lemon frequently will make you feel lemony.

A radish each hour will turn your face sour.

A persimmon per second is too much, I reckon.

A tomato daily will keep you fit as Beetle Bailey.

A French fry each minute is what killed Tony Bennett.

A whiskey shot per fortnight will save you from frostbite.

A colonoscopy each leap year will help you to keep clear.

A peach pie per decade is fine if it’s homemade.

 A pot roast per millennium won’t affect your insurance premium.