I Am on Staycation, B*tches!

I'm off work for a week.

I'm on a staycation.

Besides a list of chores as long as your leg, I'm going to try to stay...

Well...

Stay focused.

Stay active.

Stay off Twitter.

Stay off Facebook.

Stay off OPB (other people's blogs).

Stay moving.

Stay smart.

Stay on my game.

Stay in my groove.

And stay off my blog (actually, staying off my blog is good advice for anybody).

Weight-Loss Sing-a-Long for the Wee Little Children

Healthy Birthday

Healthy birthday to you.

Your life is a zoo.

But you work out and eat right…

So it’s healthy birthday for you.

Zippin’ My Pants Shut

Zippin’ my pants shut, zip-a-dee-ay,
My, oh, my, what a wonderful weigh.
Plenty of good food and a workout today.
Zippin’ smaller pants shut, zip-a-dee-ay!

This Little Lite Beer of Mine

This little lite beer of mine, I drink it all the time
This little lite beer of mine, sometimes I add a lime.
This little lite beer of mine, tastes like turpentine
Turpentine, turpentine, turpentine.

Aiken Muscle

There was a man lived in the gym, in the gym, in the gym. 
There was a man lived in the gym, and his name was Aiken Muscle.



And he worked upon a bicep, a bicep, a bicep. 
He worked upon a bicep and 
his name was Aiken Muscle.



And his hair was kinda sweaty, sweaty, sweaty. 
His hair was 
kinda sweaty and his name was Aiken Muscle.

 

There was a man lived in the gym, in the gym, in the gym. 

There
was a man lived in the gym and his name was Aiken Muscle.

A Message Specifically for You...

If you’re just beginning your weight-loss journey, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’re a few weeks into your weight-loss journey, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’re struggling in your weight-loss journey, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’re almost to goal in your weight-loss journey, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’re trying to lose weight and you’re dyslexic, this message is for you:

YOU DO CAN IT!

If you’re trying to lose weight and you don’t believe you can do it, this message is for you:

YOU REALLY CAN DO IT!

If you're trying to lose weight and reverse psychology works well on you, this message is for you:

YOU CAN'T DO IT!

If you’re trying to lose weight and your name is Jack Sh*t, this message is for you: 

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’re trying to lose weight, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’re trying to do anything, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!

If you’d like to leave me a comment today, this message is for you:

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

You Put Your Right Foot In, You Take Your Right Foot Out…

Take three and a half days of supreme effort and spot-on eating.

Add three and a half days of stressed-out deskbound working and mindless munching.

What do you get?

Exactly what you think you get…

Nothing.

WEEKLY WEIGH-IN

Last week’s weight: 245.1 lbs

This week’s weight: 245.1 lbs

Loss:  -- lbs

Total loss since re-start: 31.7 lbs

Let’s “Just Ask Jack”

Dear Jack,

Which will make me gain more weight, eating a pound of butter or a pound of feathers?

This is a conundrum! I’m having trouble testing this because my wife Anita once asked me if we could get a kitchen scale, and I replied “Why the hell would I want to know how much our kitchen weighs?!?” I’ll have to do more research and get back to you.

Dear J-Diddy,

I see a lot of talk about this Paleo diet, but no one talks about just how fat Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble are. What gives?

One of the great things about living in our times is the fact that you get hop on Google and get answers to the most ridiculous questions imaginable. Through a simple search, I quickly discovered Fred Flintsone’s probable height/weight (5'7", 225 pounds), plus encountered an article on Scientific American about the real-world physics of our caveman hero stopping his foot-powered car (it’s all about coefficient of friction—a ratio of the force friction provides and the weight pressing down on a surface and… oh, just read all about it right here.

 

Dear Jack-in-the-Box,

You seem to have a lot of different dogs at your house. Why for?

The answer to that question is simple: we foster dogs for a local rescue group because I believe that each of us in this world has a sacred obligation to do whatever my wife tells me to do.

Got a question? 

Just ask Jack at 

jacksh.tgettinfit (AT) gmail.com

Too-Tight Jeans

I think I’m chubby

Without any sweatshirt on.

I think I’m flabby

As a Jabba-the-Hut-like spawn.

I know you get me

So just watch my weight come down, down.

Before you met me,

I was alright but thighs

Were kinda heavy.

You taught me to diet,

Now it’s never necessary

To weigh more than Frankenstein, Frankenstein.

Let’s go all the way to goal.

No regains, just loss.

Wear fat pants, until we diet.

You and I, will be fit forever

[Chorus:]

You make me feel

Like I’m slippin’ on

Too-tight jeans.

The way you spur me on

I can’t slip

Let’s run a mile and

Don’t ever look fat,

Don’t ever look fat.

My health starts

When I take care of me

Just work hard, time to break free.

This is real, 

Maybe my last chance

And don't ever look fat, 

Don't ever look fat.