On the Other Hand... (Introducing the Bad Wayne Players)

Jack & Jen (with Vacation Pix)

Any list of history's great couples... Cleopatra and Marc Anthony, Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara, Brad and Angelina... would have to include Jack Sh*t and DirectLife Coach Jen. Fate has thrown us together as I give a trial run to the Philips DirectLife activity monitor, a fascinating little gizmo that... um... monitors activity. You can find out more about it by... uh... Googling it yourself...

Hi Jack,

I really hope that you are doing well today. In looking at your DirectLife Plan it seems that you are really on track in terms of hitting your targets relatively consistently. Certainly in the week view you are right on track.

Now that you are 10 weeks into the Plan I want to know if you feel that you are closer to reaching your goals...remember...the most active man in the USA. I do check in on your blog on occasion and I must say that your commitment to yourself and to all the people who view your blog is outstanding. So, really I'm just checking in to say
hello, compliment you on your great initiative and to find out from you about your experience so far.

I look forward to hearing from you when you have some time,

Jen


DirectLife Coach Jen,

Sorry not to get back to you in a timely manner, but I was working on trying to come up with an answer to the question: "What's a question with no answer called?" It's had me scratching my head all morning (should have taped my activity monitor to my wrist, I suppose).

I just got back from a trip to Glacier National Park in Montanna, DirectLife Coach Jen. I've attached the pictures because I knew you'd want to be the first to see 'em...

In my part of the world, snow in July doesn't generally happen...

This is a little thing I like to call "Nature".

I think these are mountain lions, but I could be mistaken...

Riiiiiiiiiiii-cola!

Apparently this was from a wildlife calendar...

Ditto.

Me and my wife Anita.

My daughter Pisa is head over heels happy about playing in snow.

Pisa wanted to adopt this one...

Our rockin' little cabin in the woods.

The only problem was the teeny-tiny TV.

I simply won't take a lot of flack from Canadians...

Yes, that white stuff we're tromping around in is snow. Dumbass that I am, I got on a shuttle wearing shorts and a t-shirt because it was sunny and warm where we parked. A half hour later, we're hiking through foot-deep frozen precipitation. Luckily they sold sweatshirts in the gift shop.

Have you ever had homemade huckleberry ice cream, DirectLife Coach Jen? My daughter Pisa and I were all over that stuff. I had the misguided notion that since I was hiking all over mountain trails, I could eat whatever the hell I wanted. This may come as a shock to you, DirectLife Coach Jen, but that simply isn't the case.

I was happy to see that you guys put a weight loss tracker on the DirectLife site now. I haven't started using it yet because I'm still working on that unanswerable answer, but it's on my to-do list (right under "make to-do list").

And let's make a deal, DirectLife Coach Jen: I'll work on continuously raising my activity level to meet my self-stated goal ("most active man in USA") and you increase the frequency of reading my blog ("On occasion? On occasion?").

Ten weeks? It only seems like two and a half months to me...

Take care,

Jack

I'm Really, Really Sorry, Beatles

Ah, look at all the lard-ass people.

Ah, look at all the lard-ass people.

Ellie the Blogger forgoes the rice at the place where the Chinese is served.
Her loss is deserved.
Writes ‘bout her weigh-in, wearing the jeans that she wore more than ten years ago.
Who is it fo?

All the lard-ass people.
Why do they eat all wrong?
All the lard-ass people.
They look bad in a thong.

Fatter Jack Sh*tty, writing the words of a blog post that no one will read.
No one believes.
Look at him working, tweeting his tweets through the day when there’s work to be done.
He’s lost a ton.

All the lard-ass people.
Wearing lard-ass people pants.
All the lard-ass people.
Why won't they take a chance?


Ah, look at all the lard-ass people.
Ah, look at all the lard-ass people.

Ellie the Blogger achieved her goal after doing all she required.
All were inspired.
Fatter Jack Sh*tty, rhyming some words from a mind that is somewhat demented.
No one commented.

All the lard-ass people,
Why do they eat so crappily?
All the lard-ass people.
Do they want to live unhappily?

Hi-Tech Note Cards

Speaking of note cards, I'm trying to rustle up enough W.I.D.T.H. cards to make another post. All you gotta do is scribble down the reason why you're on this weight-loss/healthy living kick, take a pic of it (or you and it) and email it to me at jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com. Be sure and include a blog link if you want it included. Come to think of it, that sounds like a helluva lot of work. Why don't we all just take a nap instead?

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

If you missed my weigh-in yesterday, here’s a short recap: I suck.

Apparently, a reasonably high activity level doesn’t give you a blank check to eat anything you want, especially if what you want to eat happens to be a lot of the stuff you’ve been just saying “no” to for months and months.

The numbers on my scale have been a bit skewed of late, because my initial descent below the magic 200-lb line came at the expense of more muscle mass than was probably good for me. I was so anxious to hit “199” that I took the easy way down (if two hours a day of intense cardio can realistically be classified as “easy”).

Once I started in on the strength training (and I still don’t hit the weights as much as I probably should due to… okay, due to the fact that I suck), I noticed that (a) the scale was roller-coastering all over the place and (b) if anything, my pants were getting even looser.

Thanks to my Philips DirectLife activity monitor, I can tell you that I burned an average of just over 1,600 calories a day last month. The flip side is that the increase in activity has come with a spike in my appetite.

And most troubling of all, a tendency to eat even when I know I’m not really hungry.

I don’t need a doctor or dietician to tell me the underlying cause of all this: that’s right, I suck.

But as of today, the sucking is stopping.

I’m going to keep talking the talk, but I plan to accompany that with a little walking of the walk.

Eat less.

Exercise more.

Stop sucking.

It's go-time!

Wrong Way Weigh-In

Weekly weigh-in: 208.7
Weekly weigh-in: 215.2
Loss: +6.5
Total loss: -76.8
Emotion: Not as happy as I was all last week

On January 1, 1929, the California Golden Bears football squad faced the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. Midway through the second quarter, Cal center Roy Riegels picked up a fumble by Tech's Jack “Stumpy” Thomason. Just 30 yards away from the Yellow Jackets’ end zone, Riegels somehow got turned around and ran 65 yards in the wrong direction.

Teammate and quarterback Benny Lom chased Riegels, screaming at him to stop. Lom finally caught up with Riegels at California's 3-yard line and tried to turn him around, but he was immediately hit by a wave of Tech players and tackled back to the 1-yard line. The Bears chose to punt rather than risk a play so close to their own end zone, but Tech blocked the punt and Georgia Tech scored a safety, giving them a 2-0 lead.

Speaking of going the wrong way, I had a mighty big slip-up on the ol’ weight-loss front. It was vacation eating run amok… baked brie and crackers, brew pub pints, ice cream with freshly picked raspberries, homemade huckleberry ice cream, pizza and tempura sushi for Heaven’s sake (and speaking of “sake”, I think there was a couple of large sakés in the mix as well).

I thought long hikes might minimize the damage, and it’s a little bit scary to think that maybe they did. If I had laid around like a lump, I shudder to think what the scale might have said…

Anyway, “Wrong Way” Riegels (as he came to be called) was so distraught by his mix-up that he had to be coaxed into returning to the game for the second half. He turned in a stellar second half performance, however, including blocking a Tech punt.

The example of how the distraught Riegels was persuaded to pick himself up, return to the field and play so hard during the second half is sometimes used by motivational speakers to illustrate overcoming setbacks.

Unfortunately, “Wrong Way” Riegels' team wound up losing in that national championship game.

I plan on losing next week, too.